Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Between what Sully had told me about JJ’s health after he’d been shot and his behavior today, I had no fucking clue what was happening.
But I sure as shit was going to find out.
CHAPTER 8
Jj
One thing I hadn’t expected when it came to heaven was how fucking cold it was. And dark.
Maybe my father and his beloved Bible had been right. Maybe I was burning in hell, but the guys who’d written the book had gotten the description of hell wrong. I couldn’t decide which I preferred to spend eternity in—cold that was so cold it felt like it was burning my skin or actual fire.
I didn’t like the dark, though. I’d always feared that life after death was just darkness and nothingness. No other souls, no other voices, not even hearing the thoughts of those I couldn’t see. Just black, empty space and complete awareness that I was alone and probably always would be. No peace, no warmth, no burning, no bright lights. Just… silence.
“JJ, open your eyes.”
The sudden voice in my ear would have made me happy to know that I wasn’t actually alone in that dark place, except I knew that voice.
It belonged to the devil himself.
Okay, maybe not the devil but, at best, a fallen angel who’d been cast out of heaven to join me in the infinite nothingness.
The mere thought of angels had my mind tracking in a whole new direction. Did angels sin like I had? Did they make the mistake of not being who they were supposed to be? Were they cast into whatever version of hell I was in because they’d gone down on a guy or taken it up the ass like I had? Did angels even have sex? Were they even guys and girls?
“Damn it, JJ, wake the fuck up!”
Pain shattered my errant thoughts like delicate glass. Image after image tormented me.
A hill.
Running, heart pounding, a gun in my hand.
Some kid and his phone.
Another gun but not in my hand.
Blinding light burned my eyes as I tried to pull the trigger.
“Can’t see,” I called, though I wasn’t sure who I was calling to. “Get down!” I shouted because there had been that kid. He needed to get down because there was a gun that wasn’t mine—
“JJ, open your eyes!”
I bolted upright at the sound of the familiar voice. “Cass!” I yelled. “Gun! Gun!” Fear consumed me as I tried to blink the light away. I had to warn Cass.
“Cass, can’t see. Gun! Gun! Cass, drop!” I begged. I needed him to hear me so a bullet wouldn’t take him from me.
“JJ, I’m right here. I’m safe. But I need you to do something for me, okay?”
I nodded. I was so relieved to hear him say he was safe that I slumped forward. Something hard but warm brushed against my cheek.
“Close your eyes again.”
Close them, open them, close them. Would the man make up his mind so he’d let me see him already?
I closed my eyes and squeezed them shut like a little kid who was trying to follow his parent’s orders to keep from seeing whatever surprise awaited him.
“That’s good,” Cass said. “Now I want you to listen. Tell me what you hear.”
That was easy. “You,” I murmured.
“What else?”
“Can we do this later, Cass? Tired. It hurts,” I complained.
“No, baby, we need to do this now, but I promise you can rest afterwards.”
I nodded because Cass was always right about things. Except the “baby” part. I didn’t know why he was saying that because I wasn’t a little kid anymore. I was all grown up.
Why did everything feel like it was covered in layers and layers of fog?
“What do you hear?” Cass asked gently. His words sounded like the softest of whispers in my ear. I focused on what he wanted me to do because I wanted to please him. All I’d ever wanted to do was please him.
“Dripping water… like from a faucet,” I said. My eyes felt heavy but thankfully there was no longer any blinding light.
“What else?”
“A fan. Above me. Can hear and feel it.”
“That’s good. Anything else?”
Between his words and trying to listen for things, the pounding in my head eased.
“Thumping,” I said softly. “Heartbeat. Someone’s heartbeat.” I paused before saying, “Your heartbeat.”
Something skimmed the shell of my ear. Something soft. It felt good. Hell didn’t feel good, so maybe God had forgiven me my sins even if I’d forgotten to ask Him to before I’d died.
“How do your eyes feel?”
“Scratchy,” I said. “Wanna open them.”
“Do it a little at a time and tell me what you see.”
I did what he said. I resisted the urge to just open them and be done with it. “Blue. Something blue,” I said. I allowed my eyes to open a bit more. A sea of blue flooded them, but when I moved them, other things came into focus. “Brown carpet, ugly curtains. It’s dark but not like before.”