Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
“JJ?”
“Yeah?” I responded shakily.
“It’s my turn to talk now, okay?” His words were gentle, soft.
Too gentle.
Too soft.
I’d never been in a relationship before, so I didn’t know how the whole breaking up thing happened, but it sure as shit felt like this was one of those moments.
I nodded in response. I’d dropped my eyes, so I had no idea if Cass had seen the nod, but since he wanted my silence, I gave it to him.
“I would do anything for you,” Cass repeated. “I would give you anything.”
My mouth was so dry I wouldn’t have been able to speak even if he’d wanted me to. How had I fucked this up?
“The one thing I’ll never do though, JJ, is let you put yourself, your life at risk. Our fight this morning… I think I was looking for some way for you to make the decision not to come with me.”
Cass fell silent for so long that I nearly blurted out that I didn’t understand what he was saying. I lifted my eyes and saw that he was staring straight ahead. He wasn’t looking at any one thing; it was more like he was looking into another time or place.
“If I had truly been worried about your safety, all I would have needed to do was call your brother and tell him where we were. He would have hog-tied you and thrown you in the back seat of his car so fast…” Cass let out a soft chuckle.
I couldn’t tell if he truly found the idea amusing or not. I remained silent so he would continue because I still wasn’t sure what point he was trying to make.
“That fight this morning was a last-ditch effort to avoid something I didn’t want to face,” he admitted.
Cass sighed and wiped at his eyes. “My gut told me there was something off when I went to see my grandmother the first time. I’ve always had good instincts, but not when it came to her. When I walked into the house that first time, it was so cold and dark. The curtains were drawn in most of the rooms that I saw on the lower floor and yet there were still fresh roses everywhere. And my grandmother’s appearance… Renly knew that she never would have wanted to be seen like that. All that time I was kept waiting at the gate… if it really had been meant to stall me, it would’ve been because Renly was having my grandmother cleaned up, not so that she would have time to…”
My heart broke for Cass as I realized what he was trying to say. “You wanted me to prove you were wrong—that your gut was wrong.”
Cass’s nod was so slight, I nearly missed it. He remained quiet for several long beats. Occasionally, he’d discreetly wipe at one of his eyes. His hair wasn’t quite long enough to shield the movement.
“She erased me,” Cass whispered. “I don’t know if it happened four years ago when Charles was born or when I went to prison… I guess it doesn’t really matter. I was the only one in the family who called her Mother Ashby. My father called her ‘Mum’ when I was younger but then even he started calling her what everyone in the family did: ‘Ma’am.’ She said I got to call her Mother because I was special. I was supposed to do important things one day. Her little rose.”
“You weren’t supposed to see Charles,” I suggested. “I got the impression from the way his nanny was calling him that yesterday wasn’t the first time he’d snuck past her.”
“The way he walked, the way he stopped in front of her but didn’t touch her, his hands behind his back like they were,” Cass said fiercely. “Always looking to her for approval. It was like looking in a fucking mirror when I was that age. I was only ever allowed to love her from a distance. It was the same way she loved me. I figured it was normal.”
He let out an ugly laugh. “I guess it was more than anyone else in the family got to do. I always thought I was the lucky one but maybe…”
“Cass, all we have is proof that she deceived you. It doesn’t mean she didn’t love—”
“Officer Ferguson,” Cass interrupted, his voice even and empty. “Is it reasonable to say that Patricia Ashby was of sound mind when you last saw her?”
“Cass, don’t do it like this—”
“I believe I asked you a question, Officer,” he stated more loudly.
I closed my eyes because I didn’t want to play this game with him. I knew what he wanted, but I didn’t want to give it to him. Not the way he wanted. We weren’t in a courtroom, there was no judge, no audience. It didn’t matter, though, because Cass was making it clear that he wanted facts and facts alone. He wanted distance and indifference. He was hurting, but he wanted to do it alone.