Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 131821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Where does that leave my future?
I don’t know how I let things get this far. Football has been my life for as long as I can remember, and then Payton came along, and suddenly I had more than the sport I’d dedicated my all to. She became the most important part of my world, and in the mix of what I’d call my heartbreak or fear that she was on her way to breaking my heart by refusing to give me hers, I forgot how important it was to stay strong and steady. Motivated both off and on the field.
Because making it to the next level isn’t just about me and my dreams anymore. It’s about them. Us.
My new dream is to have my girl and our little boy and a family suite in an NFL stadium with my last name on it. To have the means to offer her a happy, fulfilling future where she can travel the world if she wants, taking pictures of all the pretty things she’s ever imagined, me and Little D watching from the sidelines with smiles on our faces.
How could I drop the ball so hard? I should have been doing the opposite. Fighting with all I had for what I could control rather than letting it all fall apart by obsessing over the things I can’t. The thought of losing a life with her would have still been at the forefront of my mind, so how did I allow myself to fumble so far?
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I shout, shoving the door open and stepping out into the cold November air.
“Take it you heard the good news.”
You’ve got to be kidding me. Slowly, I turn my head, and sure enough, there he is, posted up against the side of the building.
I scoff. “Did you seriously wait out here just for this moment?”
His face is blank as he kicks off the wall and steps forward. “Yup.”
Spinning, I face him fully, lifting my arms out. “You got something to say to me, Howl, say it.”
“I’m just wondering what’s so special about you.” He pauses. “I’ve been watching you, asking around about you, and I’ve found nothing worth repeating.”
“That’s some creepy shit. Little odd to admit you’re obsessed with your captain.”
Slowly, he shakes his head. “Not obsessed.” He takes a step back, grabbing his bag off the ground. “Disappointed. Maybe even disgusted.” His eyes harden, and he gets in my space. “I see what others don’t, and you’re nothing but a weak prick, failing his classes and fucking up on the field because he can’t handle his life off it. I’m glad you’re in the position you are. You don’t deserve to be—” He yanks his head away then, glaring at nothing in the distance. “Just go fuck yourself, Johnson. Fail and get off campus before you screw up someone else’s life.”
My frown follows his retreating form, his words a jumbled mess of who the hell knows what.
I’ve met athletes who thought they were better than the next, who believed they deserved the starting position over the others, and some of them were right, they did, but the proof is always in the game film. It reveals itself.
That’s not happening here.
So if Alister is talking about him and me and our position on the roster, he’s going to be severely let down, because I am better than him. He won’t be able to take my position until I’m ready to pass it down on my exit.
Or bomb your exams.
Shit.
No. That won’t happen. I will not fail.
Not in school. Not on the field.
And never with the girl.
If only she’d allow me to show her as much.
Payton
Three days turned into four, and they’ve just asked me to stay for another week, all expenses paid. I can’t stop smiling, a sense of accomplishment I haven’t felt in, well, maybe ever washing over me.
“It’s crazy, you know?” I look to Chase and Paige, who were waiting for me outside the building, in awkward silence, I might add. “This feels like the first thing I’ve done on my own, and I’m not…”
“Not what?” Paige tips her head, books folded across her chest.
I scrunch my nose and face forward. “Messing it up.”
“Hey.” Chase steps in front of me, his green eyes on mine. “You’ve messed up nothing since I’ve known you. Stop telling yourself otherwise. You got your GED, had a baby, and landed your dream job all in the same year.”
“Internship.”
“Internship that’s turned into this.” He holds his hands out, and I allow myself to glance across the college campus.
It wasn’t too long ago that I wondered if I’d ever even get the chance to go to one if I wanted to, even before I got pregnant. It was never about what I wanted before. It was what Ava Baylor wanted, and Mother wanted a social princess, not an artsy little brat with unrealistic ideals. She was so sweet.