Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 138683 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 693(@200wpm)___ 555(@250wpm)___ 462(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138683 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 693(@200wpm)___ 555(@250wpm)___ 462(@300wpm)
That panged, too.
The truth that neither of my kids really knew that much about me other than the little glimpse they got on Sunday afternoons, but I prayed it was enough.
Prayed they knew the fullness of my devotion.
Prayed Remy could feel it rushing toward her like an embrace as I glanced at her through the mirror.
She sat quietly.
Nervously.
Like she wasn’t quite sure of her place.
I couldn’t wait to prove to her that her place was right here. This was where she belonged.
“Yep, we’re almost there,” I promised as we rounded the last turn, and Tessa sent me an encouraging smile as she reached over and squeezed my forearm, like she’d heard every worry that had whirled through my mind on the trip over.
Funny how I’d been fighting for this moment for years, and now that it was here, I felt unprepared. All of it coming at me at once and without warning.
But like Tessa had promised, we had this.
I came to a stop in front of the cabin, and Scout had himself unbuckled in a second flat and was standing on the seat and holding onto the back of Tessa’s headrest so he could peer out the windshield.
“Oh, cool! Are we going camping?”
A low chuckle got free. “This looks like camping to you, huh?”
“It’s like the great outdoors, Dad.”
Love rumbled through my being, and I shifted so I could touch his chin. “This is our house, Scout.”
I made sure to make it clear that it was ours.
They might not have been living within the cabin walls, but they inhabited every board, every plank, every swipe of paint.
Most of all, they lived in the foundation.
“I like it,” he said, so casual, a hike of his shoulders like it was no big deal, before he scrambled over to toss open his door.
He hopped out.
A tender smile edged Tessa’s mouth, and those bottomless eyes lulled and lapped.
Offering comfort.
Tessa recognized this was huge. Hell, I was pretty sure she could physically feel that my insides were absolutely shaking.
She touched my arm again before she hopped from the SUV to follow Scout, who was already racing for the porch steps and shouting, “I can’t even wait to see inside.”
Remy didn’t move.
She just sat there.
Held hostage by her worry.
I shut off the engine and slowly climbed out, fighting the thickness in my throat, hating with all of me that she might be scared to come here.
I opened her door, and I swore I sensed her little spirit wobble, this sweet, sweet child who felt things so deeply.
She kept staring at her fingers she twisted on her lap.
“Are you okay, Remy Girl?” The words were shards, scraping through the disorder.
She finally peeked over at me. “My stomach hurts a little bit.”
“Because you’re nervous?”
Warily, she nodded.
“Do you remember it here?” Could barely choke it out.
She wavered and hesitated, chewing her lip before she whispered, “A little. I feel like it looked different.”
She remembered the trailer.
Fuck.
Had to grit my teeth to let her continue.
“And I remember Mom sometimes, and her eyes and the way she used to sing to me, but mostly, I remember the sirens.”
Grief stalled my heart before it started racing for a way to meet with my daughter’s.
To find a way to mend the memories when there was no fucking way to correct them.
“Come here, sweetheart.”
She slid from her seat and onto her feet, and I knelt in front of her and pulled her into my arms. I was probably hugging her too tight, but I couldn’t let go. I had to support her as she gave voice to the fears she’d likely been hiding all these years.
God, I wished that I’d always been there to hold her through them.
I could only imagine what Paula had told her.
“I’m so sorry that’s the main thing you remember about this place because it’s an awful, terrible memory,” I told her, my voice drawn low in the strain. In the promise. “But I want you to know that you used to love it here, Remy. You loved this land. You used to run and play and fill this place with so much happiness. It was my favorite place in the world because it was ours. I’m not sure if you remember that part, but know that I do, and if you want to ask me about those memories or talk to me about absolutely anything, I am right here.”
I pulled back so I could meet those trusting brown eyes. “I’m right here, Remy. But if you want to go back to your grandma and grandpa’s, I understand that, too. I support you, whatever you need to make you feel safe.”
Panic blazed through her expression, and she threw her arms around my neck, her voice close to frantic. “No, Dad. I’m not scared of being here. I’ve wanted to come here for a really long time. But I’m scared that maybe I’ll want to stay here always, and I won’t get to.”