Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“I did. I signed a six-month lease. I move in next month.” He sounded so excited, and absolutely needed that sense of independence and a place to call his own. Just like I did when I bought my house, knowing that someday Mom would move on too.
I pulled him into a hug and kissed his head. “I’m proud of you.”
“Really?” he asked into my shoulder.
“Really. If you need my help with anything, just ask.”
“Thank you.” He drew back to look at me, the hesitation back in his eyes. “I might need some TLC once I break the news to Mom.”
I kissed his cheek. “I’ll be here.”
No doubt it was hard keeping up with your parents’ expectations. I always tried keeping out of my father’s way so I wouldn’t rub him the wrong way, and that was definitely a pressure all its own. To imagine still dealing with that bullshit as an adult made my stomach turn. I hoped Seth could find the strength to go after what he wanted, and I hoped that part of what he wanted was me. I certainly didn’t want to stand in his way.
Then get your act together, jackass.
“Ready to hit the road?” I asked, noting the time.
He sighed. “I guess so.”
I stood up and reached for his hand. “C’mon, we can stop somewhere for a late lunch.”
33
Seth
It was Saturday, and I’d had a crazy week. I’d gone to Rose City twice, spent time practicing with Jesse, started packing, and spent every spare moment I could with Jake. He’d stayed at my apartment once when we usually stayed at his, but I was excited about my move and couldn’t seem to stop myself from wanting to get everything done now. It was silly.
I felt like everything was coming together, like my life was changing and I was finally settling into who I was in ways I’d never really let myself do before. Mom had called earlier in the week, and I’d ignored it and not called her back, but I wasn’t going to let myself focus on that.
When there was a knock on my apartment door, I looked up from where I sat on the living room floor, going through books, and called out, “Come in.”
Jesse opened the door. “Wow. You don’t usually do that without seeing who it is.”
Oh…I hadn’t even thought of that. “I knew it was you.” We’d been wanting to have a Frank Sinatra night at the Underground for a while, and we were doing it tonight.
Jesse laid two hangers covered with garment bags over the back of the couch. “How’s my sex-fiend bestie doing today?”
“Oh my God.” I rolled my eyes as he sat on the floor across from me. “I shouldn’t have told you.” Like that was going to happen. Honestly, I enjoyed that he could call me that now.
“Yeah, okay. You love it and don’t deny it.” Jesse winked.
Ugh. He was right. “I’ve only had sex twice. How can I be a fiend?”
“Twice? You slut!” He playfully swatted my arm.
“Jake stayed here last night,” I admitted.
“Ooh, tell me more.”
I trembled. “It was so good. He does this thing with his tongue…he really likes to…you know.”
“Rim you? You can say it. If you can do it, you should be able to say it.”
“Rim me. Are you happy now?”
Jesse waggled his eyebrows. “Not as happy as you are now that you’re getting some,” he replied, and we dissolved into a fit of laughter. God, I felt perfect, happy. “You’re smiling,” Jesse added.
“I just…” I didn’t know how to put into words what I felt. “I never thought I’d live my own life. I know it’s silly. Most people would look at me and not understand. I’m twenty-one; why do I let my mom run my life?”
“Fuck most people.” Jesse shrugged. “They’re not you. They haven’t walked in your shoes. It’s easy to point fingers and judge others when really, we all have our shit.”
“I know, but I get it too. I think I’ve been too afraid to take control over my own life. It was easier to let Mom run it, easier to let myself use what happened with Colton, the guy I told you about, as a reason not to move forward, because I was scared. Now I’m breaking out of that shell. I don’t even remember the last time I had a nightmare. It’s like I was holding myself back all that time, and now I’m not and it’s amazing, but I’m still afraid too, though I don’t want to be. My mom, she’s not going to get it at all, and again, I know it shouldn’t matter, but she lost it when Dad died. She’s the strongest person I know, and she broke. I don’t want to hurt her.” I shook my head. “I don’t know. I’m rambling.”