Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
I reached for Seth’s hand like it was an anchor, and when I knotted our fingers together, the look of relief he gave me told me all I needed to know. It was exactly what I’d planned to do only a moment ago, so I supposed Mom’s pronouncement helped me along. I’d hoped to work up to my coming out one way or another.
“Wait, Jake is with Seth? Like, with him?” I heard Brett ask in a shocked tone, and I threw him a warning look over my shoulder, daring him to say something stupid.
“That’s right,” Tucker said, narrowing his eyes. “You don’t got a problem with that, do ya? I, for one, am happy for them.”
I heard Brett sputter out some muffled response as Bree and Mark murmured their agreement, and then I focused back in on my mom, who was explaining something to Bruce and Seth about the cookout they’d come from.
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Bruce said, leaning toward me.
“Have you now?” I replied stiffly, which was clearly the wrong tone to use. But I couldn’t seem to help myself. I had been Mom’s protector since childhood, and pretty much nobody would ever be good enough for her.
“Jacob,” Mom said, grasping my arm. She rarely used my full name, unless she was upset or about to give me a good kick in the ass, which I probably needed right then. “Help me check on the pasta salad.”
She yanked me toward the kitchen, and I followed willingly, but as soon as the sliding glass door shut behind us, I turned on her. “What the hell, Mom? Why didn’t you give me a heads-up?”
She folded her arms and gave me a pointed look. “I did. I asked to bring a friend.”
I threw up my hands. “You know what I mean.”
“Honey.” Her voice was smaller and shakier as she stepped toward me. “I wanted to experience this—whatever it is that Bruce and I are doing—on my own first.”
I balled my fists, trying to get ahold of myself. What in the fuck did that mean? How long had they been seeing each other?
“Isn’t that what you and Seth did?” She placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I know it feels scary and you have certain expectations when it comes to your mother, but can you…” Her eyes pleaded with me. “Trust in me to make my own decisions. Please. It would mean the world to me.”
My breath whooshed right out of me. Well, fuck. I got it then. Really got it.
I was being a dick, and I needed to stop.
“Okay, I hear you.” I kissed her cheek. “I promise to do better.”
27
Seth
Jake was trying not to show it—he laughed in all the right places, and made conversation with people, including Bruce—but it was clear to me he was uncomfortable. I didn’t know if that was the right word for it. Maybe he was unsure? Confused? Whatever it was, it wasn’t the Jake I knew.
Since Bonnie had outed us, Jake had stayed close to me. He wasn’t overdoing it or touching me all the time, but there was a definite difference between now and then. At one point he had his arm around the back of the chair I sat in, and brushed his thumb back and forth over my nape as he spoke to Bonnie, Bruce, Tucker, Mark, and Bree. It was so natural, so relaxed, I wasn’t sure he even knew he was doing it. That thought made happiness fill my chest, settle into my bones. I’d never quite felt like other people, like everyone else. I was shy or quiet, insecure or unexperienced. But in those moments, I wasn’t. I was a new Seth, sitting there with my boyfriend, talking to our friends, and feeling comfortable, not needing extra care or being afraid of what I wanted.
It was perfect; well, except for the fact that I was worried about Jake.
Brett, I was still on the fence about. I’d catch him looking at us, dissecting us like he didn’t know what to think or wasn’t sure he really knew Jake. As if he was suddenly a different person. When our eyes would meet, though, I didn’t see anger there. I didn’t think he was hateful, just ignorant, and it felt like he was trying to work through that, or at least that he would want to.
Bonnie was smiling more than I’d ever seen, unless you counted our drunken slumber party, but that had been the alcohol. At one point Bruce wrapped an arm around her, leaned close, and whispered something in her ear, and I felt Jake tense up. But then Bonnie had giggled like a schoolgirl, and Jake had relaxed again. My poor bighearted boyfriend. I had a feeling there was a whole lot more going on inside that head of his than he ever let out.