Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 56217 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 187(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56217 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 187(@300wpm)
Sure, he’d do the right thing. Blake wasn’t a man to shirk his responsibilities. But I couldn’t live knowing he’d only married me out of obligation.
It splintered my heart into tiny sharp edges in my chest. All I wanted to do was get away and hide from it all. How was I going to continue to work for him? Would he tell everyone he was the father when I could no longer hide my condition? How would we share responsibilities? These were all the things I wished my mother was here to help me sort through.
I somehow made it through the night and considered calling in sick at work the next morning, but I didn’t want people at work to worry. I wasn’t ill. There was no reason not to work except that I was feeling heartsick. So I pulled myself together. When I arrived on the floor, Dana was there.
She rushed to me. “Are you okay? I thought you’d call in sick.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. It was just a little blood pressure thing.”
She studied me as if she needed confirmation of my statement. “Well, if you need anything, let me know.”
“I will. Thank you.” I went to my office and took care of a call to France before it got too late. Things were on schedule for the deal. Normally, I’d have been excited that the deal would finally be done, but I couldn’t manage feeling anything but exhausted.
There was a knock on my door.
“Come in.”
Blake walked in looking tired and worried. My instinct was to run to him to seek solace, but I couldn’t. While I was sure he’d care for me and the baby financially, he didn’t love us or at least, he didn’t love me.
“I wanted to see how you were.” He stood in front of my desk.
“I’m okay.”
He blew out a breath and sat down. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”
“About the baby?” My irritation spiked. “Yes, it’s very inconvenient.”
His eyes expressed pain as he looked at me. “No. I mean, yes, the baby is unexpected, but I’m sorry I upset you.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “This whole time everything I’ve done has been offensive.”
“I knew what I was doing.”
“You were a virgin.”
“But I wasn’t ignorant or stupid.” I stood and turned to look out my window, not wanting to look at him.
When he stood, I thought he was leaving, but then I felt his hand on my shoulder. I stepped out of his reach.
He sighed. “I’m not trying to seduce you. I want to comfort you, Bella. I do care about you.”
I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to let him hold me because I needed comforting. Was this what it was going to be like every day now? Still wanting him but not able to have him? With a baby, I’d have to continue to see him, but working for him, how could I keep doing that?
“I’m thinking of looking for another job.” While I’d thought about it before, the statement actually came out of the blue. And yet, it felt like what I had to do to save my heart and my sanity.
“What?” He jerked back like he’d touched a hot stove.
“This is too hard.”
“You’re not taking my child away from me, Bella.”
I looked at him. “You don’t want it.”
His expression was a mixture of anger and confusion. “That’s not true.”
I let out a small derisive laugh. “No, it’s me you don’t want.”
“I offered to marry you. You’re the one who said no.”
“Your offer wasn’t because you wanted me. You just want to do the right thing, which is very noble, but it’s a mistake. I see it in your eyes. What would your beloved Joanna think?”
Rage swirled in his eyes. “I won’t apologize for loving my wife.” He walked away like he was catching his breath. Finally, he turned to me. “I’m sorry about this Bella. I really am. I didn’t want to hurt you. If you want to find a new job, go ahead. But I have rights and responsibilities to the baby. You won’t take that from me.”
“I don’t want to, Blake. I just…” How could I tell him that working for him now would mean enduring heartbreak every day? It wasn’t fair of me to be angry at him for not loving me since he’d been clear from the start where he stood.
“I get that this is hard and awkward, but if you stay here, it will be easier for us to coordinate. I’ll be available if you need me. I’ll be able to go to doctors’ visits with you. You’ve got great health care coverage here. You might have difficulty finding that elsewhere especially since you’re pregnant.”
“So, I’m stuck.” I felt so defeated.
He stared at me like I was sticking a knife in him. “I am bending over backwards here trying to make this easier, so the problem must be me. Am I so bad that you can’t wait to get away from me?”