Total pages in book: 64
Estimated words: 60851 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60851 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
He wasn’t ready for the night to be over, not unless Dev wanted him to leave.
Dev seemed in no rush to get rid of him. He lay down beside Ewan again and pulled the covers up over them both. He settled into Ewan’s arms as though he belonged there, and they kissed some more, gentle, lazy kisses that soothed Ewan’s soul. Lying here with Dev, their limbs tangled, sharing breath, he could pretend that Dev belonged to him—that they belonged to each other. It felt so real, so intense, like nothing else mattered.
Eventually the breaks between kissing stretched out, time slowed, and Ewan’s heart was a slow thud as his eyelids drooped. Dev yawned, his head on Ewan’s chest, Ewan’s hand in his hair.
“It’s late.” Ewan stated the obvious. “Maybe I should go home.” Saying the words made his stomach twist. He didn’t want to go, but he probably should. Reality would intrude in the cold light of day. Dev wasn’t his boyfriend and didn’t want to be. Waking up in his bed would only remind Ewan of all the things he wanted and couldn’t have.
There was a long silence. Maybe it was Ewan’s imagination, but he thought Dev’s arms tightened around him as he waited for Dev to respond.
Ewan was just starting to wonder whether Dev had fallen asleep on him, when Dev finally whispered, “Will you stay?”
Ewan’s head said no, but his heart screamed yes.
His heart won.
“Okay.” He stroked his hand through Dev’s hair again and closed his eyes. Maybe it was a stupid idea, but fuck it. One night with Dev was still worth something, even if it was only a fraction of what Ewan wanted.
Dev snuggled closer, one arm thrown warm and heavy across Ewan’s torso. With every breath Ewan took, he could feel it there. The reassuring weight was like an anchor.
The seagulls on the roof woke Ewan in the early hours. It was just getting light outside when they started screeching. Ewan usually slept through their racket, but this morning it dragged him into wakefulness. The awareness of warm breath tickling his shoulder and a body in bed beside him startled him. He opened his eyes and blinked sleep away, staring at the ceiling and remembering where he was. He swallowed, his mouth was dry, and a headache born of a little too much red wine throbbed at his temples.
He turned his head to look at Dev lying curled towards him, fast asleep. His lashes were thick, and his shadowed face peaceful and relaxed. Ewan’s heart surged as a rush of emotion swamped him. Everything he’d felt for Dev last night was still there, swelling the lump in his throat and making his chest ache.
Why had he been so stupid? When it was obvious he was falling for Dev and that his feelings weren’t reciprocated, he should have backed off and kept his distance. Instead he’d done the exact opposite, and he felt a million times worse.
I’m so fucked.
Panic swelled and bloomed, sending out invasive tendrils that tightened in a band around his ribs and stole his breath. He couldn’t face an awkward morning after with Dev. The way he was feeling right then, there was no way he’d be able to hide his infatuation. He’d give himself away.
Idiot.
Furious with himself for getting into this situation, he needed to escape, to put some space between them and give himself some time to get over Dev.
He edged away, trying not to let the mattress dip and creak.
Dev stirred and mumbled something but didn’t wake. Heart pounding, Ewan stood and gathered up his clothes as quietly as he could. He pulled them on, cursing under his breath as he nearly tripped over Dev’s jeans.
When he was dressed, Ewan paused for a few indulgent moments. In the morning sunlight that spilled through the open blind, Dev’s hair was a scruffy mess and his olive skin made a lovely contrast to the white sheets. Ewan’s heart ached, longing to be back in bed beside him. But he was going to listen to his brain, not his heart—nor his dick. He was going to do the only sensible thing.
Not wanting to be a total arsehole, Ewan paused long enough to scribble a note on the pad on Dev’s desk.
Sorry to run out on you, but I woke early and couldn’t get back to sleep.
See you soon
E
He stared at the words, guilt pricking him. It was a shitty thing to do to Dev, especially after what they’d done last night. It was cowardly, and Ewan wasn’t proud of himself, but he couldn’t face Dev that morning. He wasn’t ready to have the conversation he needed to have with him, and he needed time to work out how to break off their arrangement as painlessly as possible.
As amazing as last night was, Ewan knew he couldn’t do it again. Not when Dev didn’t feel the same.