Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 73425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 367(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 367(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
“Kentucky, near Louisville.”
“That’s a lovely place. How’s New York been treating you?”
I take a deep breath.
“It’s been good. I’ve made some friends at the New School, and I’m going to classes and just trying to get situated right now. It took me some time to find my footing, and I’m still not sure if I’ve found it, actually”
Jason throws me a look.
“Is that what you’re having trouble with? Getting adjusted?”
“Um, kind of, but that’s not what’s wrong. Not really.”
He nods.
“Yeah, I hear you. Does it have to do with school, maybe? I know jumping from high school to college can be a difficult transition for anybody. It was difficult for me for sure.”
I gulp.
“Kind of. Sort of.”
How do I explain this? It is the transition, but it’s also not. If it were just a change in environment, I could probably get by with a little help from Ben & Jerry’s, but clearly, my problems go beyond that. I take another deep breath.
“There are some other people at my school who are kind of hard to get along with, and they pretty much make my life miserable sometimes.”
Pastor Jordan looks thoughtful.
“It happens. I remember during my seminary days, my co-pastor Jason and I had trouble with one student in particular. He would always try to one-up us or make us look dumb.”
“Why?” I wrinkle my nose. He shrugs.
“At first we had no idea. It seemed so random and inane. But it took having a heart to heart with the troublemaker. Turns out, he didn’t even realize he was being so aggressive, and hearing our observations helped him to change his behavior.”
His story is nice, but I don’t think it applies to me. I’m very sure that Cindy is well aware of everything she says to me, and her barbs aren’t by accident.
“Is your situation maybe similar?” Jordan inquires, his eyebrows raised.
“No,” I shake my head. “These girls say the most awful things to me. There’s no way they’re not doing it on purpose.”
“What do they say to you?”
I pause for a moment, embarrassed.
“It’s always about my weight,” I finally admit. I can’t bring myself to look at him while I’m saying this. “It’s always about my weight and I guess today, the comments really got to me and made me feel bad. It’s really just this one girl, and her friends kind of play along. I’m so ashamed of the way I look, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know why she has to pick on me either. I mean, I know New York holds people to a high standard looks-wise, but still, I’m not the only big girl out there.”
My voice comes out in a rush, and suddenly I realize I’ve been babbling. I look back up and Pastor Jordan, but he doesn’t look disgusted or like he’s pitying me. He looks thoughtful and sympathetic.
“I’m sorry to unload like this,” is my quick comment. “I guess I’ve been holding all of it in for a while.”
“No, no worries. What those girls are doing isn’t very nice. Obviously, commenting maliciously about someone else’s looks is a cruel thing to do. We’re all God’s children, and each and every one of us is made in his image. It really isn’t our place to judge people like that.”
“Yeah, well, other people don’t seem to see it that way.”
He grins.
“You’ll see. Whoever this person is, she’s clearly insecure and immature. Only someone who’s insecure about their own looks would go around picking on someone else’s appearance.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I mumble. I go back to looking at my lap. Could it be true? Is Cindy actually insecure about the way she looks, and so she’s taking out on me? It seems unlikely, given that she resembles a life-size Barbie.
But then again, Barbie is no longer the “cool” look. New York City is full of the weird and the wonderful, and sometimes being a beauty queen from a small town isn’t enough here. Here, fashion magazines want people who look like top models, like Kate Moss or Naomi Campbell. Neither of them are Barbie dolls at all.
I swallow heavily. While I don’t think all my problems have been solved with this small conversation, Pastor Jordan has managed to make me feel better a little bit better. There’s still a lot for me to work through, but I’m happy I made the choice to come here. I just need to internalize his words, so I can take care of my hurt feelings on my own more often. I don’t want to have to run here every time something mean is said to me.
I should probably be getting back to my dorm. I’m sure Jessie is wondering where I wandered off to. I left rather abruptly, and I am sure she saw how upset I was. Maybe we can still hit up all those old record stores, like she wanted to. I should buy her some ice cream to make up for my little disappearing act.