Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
His gaze meets mine, and I hate him for not being awful. I’ll forever hate him for so many reasons. “Something life-changing,” he whispers. “And I felt so damn lucky. Always have. Always will.”
Colten has never played by the rules, not that I ever have either, but I have a healthy respect for them. I’m more judicious when it comes to breaking them. He dives in before checking to see if the pool is two feet or ten feet deep.
“You ran away. That was life changing. Being with me?” I shake my head. “That was nothing special to you.”
“Yes—”
“No!” I cut him off. “You took a nine-year friendship …” I steady my words, needing them to be as clear as they’ve been in my head for so many years. “It was more than friendship. You ended it with ten fucking words. And then you went to the one place you knew I wouldn’t follow you. And you never made an effort to speak to me again.” As my words rip from my chest, they lose all confidence. Seventeen years has done very little to mend the broken pieces of my heart.
“I don’t watch baseball. I don’t own a bike. I can’t stand listening to the piano, let alone Beethoven. I haven’t had milk and chocolate chip cookies in seventeen years. You took everything that was wonderful in my life and made it ugly and painful.”
He winces. “I’m so sorry.”
“Nope. You don’t get to be sorry. Not now. Sorry expired approximately a year after you left. I thought … surely you’d get homesick for me. You’d realize your fake altruism was nothing but fear. You’d be back. You’d call. Write. Something …” I shake my head slowly. “Undergrad. Med school. Residency. Your dad dying. Your mom moving. Your brother stuck in treatment. Earthquakes. Hurricanes. Fires. Terrorist attacks. Mass shootings. The world going to shit. Nothing triggered your need for me. So now that we’ve stumbled into each other, you think the universe is telling you that I’m in your life again and ready to spread my legs for you?”
The smile has vanished from his face.
“Colten, you are a drug. I won’t deny that. I’ve seen the catastrophic side of addiction too many times. I’m no longer your addict. You knew I was destined for greatness, right? Your words? Well, here I am. Being great all by myself. I didn’t …” The lump in my throat swells, exposing my weakness. Him. “I didn’t need you …” I blink back my tears. “I just really wanted you.”
I have never felt this vulnerable.
The pain in my chest breaking free with those five words that have been looping in my head for years.
“I’m going to fix this.” With two steps, he gazes down at me.
My eyes focus on his chest for a few seconds before risking a glance up at his sad face. “Some things can’t be fixed. That’s my area of expertise. I study all the things that went wrong. I answer questions. I solve mysteries. I might even give a little peace of mind and closure, but none of it fixes anything. We died.”
“What if we didn’t?” Colten whispers, eyeing my lips, the ones I won’t give him again. “Or what if death isn’t the end?”
“What’s after death?”
He studies me for a few breaths before slowly shrugging one shoulder. “A second chance. A fresh start where the past doesn’t matter because … time stole the anger, the resentment, the grief, the heartache.”
Rubbing my lips together, I return a single nod. “We’ll talk in another life, but eternal is eternal, and my feelings toward you are eternal.” I sidestep him and toss my purse onto the floor along with my shoes.
Colten opens the door. “So you’ll love me forever.”
“I’ll hate you forever.”
“Not without loving me more. We were young. Young people are malleable, impressionable. What happens to us when we’re young leaves a bigger mark than anything that happens to us as adults. Those nine years were an infinity to the following seventeen years.” The door clicks shut behind him.
After running my fingers through my hair …
After wincing at my heart constricting in my chest …
After grumbling like I did as a child …
I turn and run after him, but I don’t get a step farther than opening the door. He’s less than a foot from me, smirking like he knew I’d cave. I’m not caving. I just need to ask him—
He grabs my face and kisses me like he did in his garage only harder, obliterating my thoughts. My conscience feels the sting of submission while my body refuses to listen to reason. It wants Colten Mosley naked. Right. Now.
We back into the house, his hands keeping a death grip on my face as mine grab his shirt and wad it into my fists.