Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
Me and my anger.
Me and my resentment.
It’s her refusing to reply to my texts, refusing to answer my calls. It’s me and my irrational behavior like now as I call Savannah at 10:00 p.m.
“Colten?”
I take another swig of beer from my sofa with the TV on mute: Cubs vs Dodgers. “Is Josie there?”
“She’s in bed. I know she’s not taking your calls or responding to your messages. We’re trying to convince her that she needs to just talk to you. But … she’s struggling.”
She’s struggling?
“How are you, honey?”
“Me?” I chuckle. “I’m uh … great. Yeah. Never been better. How are you and Isaac? I bet it’s nice having Josie back. It was nice when I had her back, but now I don’t. I don’t have her anymore.”
“Colten …”
“But it’s good. I’ve been hanging out with my friends.” I glance at the bottle in my hand. “My buds. Budweiser. Bud Light. His cousin Michelob.”
“You sound a little … over-served.”
“Do I?” I finish the last ounce or two of the bottle. “Huh. I didn’t realize that. Is she asleep or just in bed? Did Isaac carry her to bed? I carried her to bed when she was staying with me. But … she’s not with me. She doesn’t want to be with me.”
“Colten, she needs time. Give her time. She’ll come back to you. She always comes back to you.”
“She didn’t come back to me. She died. Came back to life, but not back to me. Doesn’t it piss you off, even a little, that I found her by accident? We all thought she was dead. Nope. She wasn’t dead. She was living with essentially two strangers. She was eating pizza and watching Netflix while all of us thought she was dead. You don’t feel even a little hurt by that?”
She doesn’t respond. I glance at my phone. She’s still on the line.
“She wants me to move on with my life. Did she tell you that? Maybe you and Isaac should move on too. You know? Let Dr. Felix and his wife be her new parents, her new family. I mean … they probably love her more than you guys do.”
“Colten …”
“I won’t keep you. I just wanted to talk to her, but maybe I’ll never talk to her again. I deserve it, right? I broke up with her before graduation. I was a dick. I didn’t tell you and Isaac how much I loved her. I didn’t tell my dad to fuck off. I let her go. This is payback. A nice little ‘fuck you, Colten.’”
“Listen …” She sniffles.
Shit. I’ve made her cry.
“I’m trying to hold on. It’s that simple. I have a million feelings about the events of the past six months. I’ve had my moments of elation, relief, confusion, frustration, even anger. But at the end of the day, I’m just so grateful that she’s alive. Every day I see her fighting depression. Every day I watch her work her butt off to walk on her own. To get stronger. Watching my independent girl hobble around with a cane breaks my heart. I spend every waking second putting on a brave face for her. So instead of drinking away your feelings, come visit her. Show her that you are committed to her no matter how much of a martyr she’s trying to be right now.”
“She doesn’t want to see me.”
“So what? Don’t come for her; come for you.”
I try to think over her words, but I can’t think right now. “Night, Savannah.”
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
“I don’t need a life jacket.”
Dad chuckles, casting his line from his fishing boat while I reel in my line. “You keep saying that.”
“And you keep ignoring me.”
“I’m not ignoring you. I said you don’t have to wear one when you can walk up the stairs by yourself.”
“I did!” I angrily recast my line.
“Five. You walked up five steps. We have twelve.”
I set my pole aside and whip off my life jacket, tossing it into the water.
“Christ … what are you? Five?” he grumbles, quickly reeling in his line while glancing over his shoulder to the shore. “Oh good. Maybe he can talk some sense into you.”
I follow his gaze to Colten strutting his way toward the dock.
What is he doing here?
A dozen emotions collide and tangle somewhere between my head and my heart. Then … I rock forward and summersault out of the boat. The whoosh of water fills my ears. I feel weightless for the first time in a long time.
Peaceful.
Serene.
My nerves relax, letting go of every ounce of stress. I’m alive and unburdened. I’m unafraid.
In the next second, I’m yanked from my cocoon. An arm hooks under mine, dragging me to the surface. “JOSIE!” Colten’s voice booms as he pulls me like a tugboat. His free arm and legs frantically working to take me to the dock.