Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
“I’m not dumb.”
“Well, I’m not a dork.”
“Why are you asking me about my imaginary second marriage?”
“Because Mrs. Leach is getting married again. Her husband died less than a year ago. So I have to wonder if she really loved him, since she not only found another man, but she’s marrying him. Or … is marriage like a comfort food?”
“Mrs. Leach, the advanced chemistry teacher?”
Josie nodded before tossing the sponge aside and grabbing the hose again to rinse the back of my truck.
“Uh. I didn’t know her husband died.”
“Where have you been?”
“Playing baseball, hating my dad, and dealing with you.”
“Me? Pfft … whatever. Anyway, I think she’s getting remarried because she has two kids and could use some help around the house.”
“Or maybe she loves the new guy.”
“Well, duh. I’m sure she does. I bet we can love more than one person. Don’t you?”
Nope. I loved Josephine Watts. My heart was constructed cell by cell in the womb to one day seek her out and love her forever. “I don’t know, Josie,” I said instead of my knee-jerk response. “My parents haven’t exactly been role models for marriage or love for that matter.”
“Well, Mrs. Leach is pretty cool. I think she’s my favorite teacher. And if she can move on so quickly and remarry after losing her husband, I think you can too.”
I bit my tongue. Really, what was the point of that conversation and my second wife?
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Dear Josie,
Thought I’d steal a page out of this journal to write you a letter. Today I met a woman. It’s not what you think, so just cool your afterlife jets, okay? She lost her husband to cancer last summer, and she has a daughter who is Reagan’s age. We chatted during the T-ball game. She said so many things that resonated with me. It made me feel like I was supposed to meet her.
I’m not the only person in the world who feels like love is a one-and-done. At the same time, I recalled the time when we were sixteen and you wanted to discuss my imaginary second wife. Some days are confusing, like today. Am I living the life you would want me to live? Would you hate that those words are even going through my head? I don’t know what to think right now. I’m too busy missing you. I’m really good at it, but I don’t let anyone else see it.
Anyway, the woman today, her name is Layla (in case you want to secretly hate her in the afterlife), and she made me think. She said her family is pushing her to move on and date. I hope my mom never pushes me to move on, but I fear she will even though she never did after my dad died. I guess I’m struggling with figuring out my new normal.
If it weren’t for Reagan, I would have gone with you. I would have left this life. But you knew that, didn’t you?
What am I even doing? Writing to you as if your spirit is looking over my shoulder reading this. I need something. I need direction. I keep looking over my shoulder for you, but you’re not there. You’ll never be there again.
I need my friend. I need “a” friend.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
A week later, I meet Sean and Katy at Reagan’s T-ball game. While grabbing a drink at the concession stand, someone taps me on the back.
I glance over my shoulder. “Oh, hey, Layla. Nora have a game today too?”
“No, I just like the popcorn at the concession stand.” She slides her fingers into the back pockets of her shorts.
I grin. “Sorry. Stupid question.”
She gestures with a head tilt to the right. “On that field. They’re just warming up. You?”
“Same. No game. I just come for the overpriced sports drinks. The blue one is my favorite.”
Layla snorts. “The blue is the best.”
“Hi. What can I get you?” the volunteer parent behind the counter asks.
“Two blue sports drinks and a popcorn,” Layla jumps in and says.
Before I can protest, she throws down a twenty and winks at me. “Let me buy you a drink. It’s the least I can do after vomiting my life’s tragedies on you last weekend.”
I take the blue sports drink and twist off the cap. “It’s unnecessary but thank you.”
“My pleasure.” She takes her change, popcorn, and the blue drink. “Besides, now I can tell my family that I bought a guy a drink, and it will get them off my back for a bit.”
I laugh a little because it’s a joke. Right? She’s not flirting with me. She said she doesn’t think she’ll move on from her husband. And I’m not moving on from Josie … probably ever.
“Listen, the pools not in yet, but Nora has been asking to have Reagan over to play. I guess they really bonded over ice cream. Would Reagan like to go with us to the children’s museum? I get free tickets.”