Total pages in book: 54
Estimated words: 51792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 259(@200wpm)___ 207(@250wpm)___ 173(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 259(@200wpm)___ 207(@250wpm)___ 173(@300wpm)
“Are you there? Have you even visited her grave?” Nate accused.
“It’s not as easy for me. You aren’t the one who let her down,” I admitted.
“Mitch. Mom understood. Hell, you were her favorite. You could do no wrong in her eyes.”
“But I did.” I felt the pain crawl up my throat and burn in the back of my eyes. I bent and braced my hands on my knees with my phone tucked between my ear and shoulder blade.
I’d been so busy trying to be a good dad and work from home, I hadn’t had a lot of time to think.
“I know that’s why you avoided home,” Nate said. “But Mom would have forgiven you. She’d want you to forgive yourself.”
I held there a while, even after we’d ended the call. I heard the footsteps too late. Sunshine’s feet were in view before I realized she’d come my way.
“Are you okay?”
I looked up but didn’t stand straight. She reached out and swiped away moisture from my face. “What’s wrong?”
So many things, but I said truthfully, “I miss my mom.” When she placed a palm on my chest, I admitted, “I can’t even leave the flowers I bought her on her grave.”
“My mom used to say that the dead don’t live in graves. They live in the wind, the snow, grain, birdsong, every living thing including us. Right here.” Sunshine pressed where my heart was. “She told me many times that the graves are for the living, not the dead. And that I should never weep at her grave because she isn’t there.”
“So what do I do?” My voice cracked. The full force of pain I’d buried was upon me.
“Your pain will never go away, as you will always miss her as I miss my mother. But by living, you are carrying on for her. Everything she’d wished for you to be, you can be. And I don’t mean like a doctor or lawyer. I mean your mother wanted the best for you. If you live your best life, you honor her.”
I swiped the back of my hand over my eyes and stood, tucking my phone in my pocket. “I let her down,” I said.
She didn’t look away and said, “How do you know? Did she ever say that?” I shook my head. “Then why are you burdening yourself with that thought? You don’t know that she ever felt that way. Release your guilt and be the man she knew you could be.”
“What if I can’t?”
“You can. My mom’s people believe that when you love someone with your full heart, you exchange a little part of your soul. When that person dies, they will live on in you through the little part of the soul they left with you. They will see your life through your eyes after death.”
I chuckled some. “That’s kind of creepy.”
Her mouth curved and formed a small smile. “It’s just another way of saying that your loved ones live on through you.”
“Thanks,” I said, and she wrapped me in a big hug, and I sank into it. I held on for dear life for far longer than I should have. Years of self-hatred melted away with that physical contact.
She lifted up and kissed my cheek, right where a bit of moisture rested. There was so much I couldn’t say, but I turned my head. As I did, our lips brushed, and I swore I heard the crackle of electricity. Then she was back on her feet, glancing at the ground.
“I should go. Are you going to be okay?” she asked.
“I’ll be fine. You go ahead.” I wanted to believe her and my brother. I looked up at the sky and said, “You’d love her. You’d love them both.”
The kindness Sunshine had shown me was just another reason I could fall in love with her. Another reason not to give up on the possibilities of us.
TWENTY-TWO
Sunshine
Avery’s arrival brought fanfare. Zoe was so excited to see her and tell her everything about what had happened. I walked in on a discussion between Avery and Mitchell about Zoe’s change of school. I kept out of it, but knew once Avery heard the reasons why, she would agree that was the best move.
Though my mustang had come for a little lie down in the barn, she wasn’t there the next day. I hadn’t seen her and had to rethink my plan for getting home.
When Saturday morning came, Avery was in the kitchen.
“I can make breakfast,” I offered.
She shook her head. “Mitchell said it was your day off. Zoe is still sleeping. She had her first real playdate. I was a little apprehensive about her moving school because I know how Haley would feel. But it’s working out. She’s so much happier.”
“She is,” I said, not knowing what to do.
“Mitch said you were heading home to the mountains. I’m planning to take Zoe to Mountainside to see my dad, if you want a ride with us.”