Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
It’s more than the sex, though. Has been since the beginning. That’s what I meant when I told him that I was scared, and I’m not sure he can really understand what I mean by that.
I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing, and it’s been so fucking long since I’ve let myself get close to another person.
I sure as fuck don’t want to get hurt again—not like I got hurt with Christian. There’ve been guys since him who I’ve hoped would wind up more than a casual hookup, but they’ve always shut it down before we could become something more. And I’ve always figured maybe that’s been for the best.
But I am enjoying whatever the fuck we’re doing right now, and I like that he came with me for my little tango lesson at Cypress Grove.
It’s nice being able to share this part of my life with someone.
I place my laptop on a card table one of the nurses let me borrow from the break room. I’ve set up the fold-out chairs in the room into two semi-circle rows. Uncle Randy sits in a chair at the front, waving at me. I smile and wave back. He was a little agitated when I first showed up. He was asking about Tim, but I managed to calm him down, and he seems fine now. Still, I’m nervous as fuck that things will turn when I start my little mini-lesson. I’ll keep it simple enough, and fuck if it matters if anyone gets it right, considering they’re not going to be running around trying to impress anyone with their awesome dancing skills. But Uncle Randy gets frustrated easily these days, from things as simple as not being able to read something to searching his mind for a fact he can’t remember.
I just hope he can keep it together when Jackson gets here. Not because I’m embarrassed by him. I don’t want that to be Jackson’s impression of him. I don’t want him to see Uncle Randy as anything other than the incredible man who I knew. The man who loved me and helped me so much when I first came out…when I first started truly embracing who I really am.
The nurses lead some more residents in, and some of the more capable ones come on their own.
Today’s about as busy as the others—twenty people, including the residents, their family, nurses, and a couple of volunteers.
I sit with Randy for a bit and show him some of the pictures I took on my iPhone at the zoo. I’m not in my most fashionable state—a polo and shorts. They’re old—things I used to wear when I spent a lot of time with him. I think they’ll make him feel more comfortable, and like if anything around changes, at least I’m still here with him.
“Oh, look at those elephants,” he says. “I want to go to the zoo.”
“Maybe one day we’ll do that. Maybe I’ll swing by and take you over there, and we can see the elephants and the giraffes and the zebras.”
“Can we go to the aquarium, too?”
“Yeah, we can.”
A tear slides down my face because this reminds me of all the times we went to the zoo and the aquarium together. How we would laugh and chat, and I’d ask him for advice, ramble on and on with him following every word I was saying, cracking jokes with me. But he can’t make jokes like he used to and he struggles to follow what I say if I speak too fast.
I reach the end of the pictures, but he swipes like I’ve been doing for him, and when I see the pic of me in a jockstrap, one I took for Grindr several weeks ago, I close the screen. “I think we should probably stop there.”
“Oh, that one was naughty.” He chuckles. “Derek, you’re a bad boy.”
“Well, you’re not that innocent, are you, Uncle Randy?”
He laughs. “Tim takes the really naughty ones for me.”
“I’m teaching a tango class today,” I say, hoping to get him off the subject.
“I love tango. I’m really good.”
“I know you are. And we’re going to show everyone just how good today, okay?”
“I can do a mean hustle, too.”
I laugh. I can’t help myself. “I bet you can. Maybe we can do the hustle later if that’s all right with you. We just have to show these amateurs some tango first, okay?”
“That’s fine.”
I turn to the back of the room and see Jackson slip through the entrance. He drove us here in his Jeep since he was already swinging by to see his mom. I considered asking if he wanted me to go with him to check on his mom, but I didn’t want to push since I sure as fuck wouldn’t have wanted anyone to push with Randy. I figure he would invite me if he was ready for that.