Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87921 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
I can’t do that.
But I feel better. Being out here, I feel better. “I needed this,” I tell him before taking a long swallow of water.
Derek picks up a pebble and rolls it between his fingers. We’re both quiet for a moment, and I realize how odd this is in a lot of ways. How we’ve built this sort of friendship because again, on the surface, we’re nothing alike.
“Why did you invite me here?” Derek asks as though he has his own line to my thoughts.
“Don’t really know, if I’m being honest.”
He’s not used to this, and I’m not either. We’re exploring a foreign land without a map. “Steph and I…it felt so good to connect with her as a teenager, ya know? And not just because I got my dick wet.”
Derek chuckles.
“But I’d moved around so much that I didn’t let myself get close. She became a friend and then, well, you know where it went from there. We had Zane and shit got real, fucking quick. From there, it was all about Steph and Zane. Which I don’t regret. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and she’s my best friend, but my life has been all about them. My friends were her friends’ husbands or Zane’s friends’ parents.”
Stalling, I pull the bottle to my lips and finish what’s inside. “This…isn’t that.” Wow…could I have come up with a better way to say it?
Derek turns and looks at me, his blond hair wet against his forehead. “Ah, I get it. I’m your way to rebel against your life and responsibilities. Aren’t you a little old for that?” His words aren’t harsh; if anything, he sounds slightly offended as though he’s suddenly afraid I’m using him. “Oh well. It works for me. I—”
“Be quiet.” I put my finger to his lips. “I feel like I’m always telling you that. I have nothing to rebel against. I chose my life. It’s just…” I lower my hand. Why did I get started on this shit? I should have just let it be. “My mom had a stroke not too long ago. We’re the only family she has. I have to take care of her, and I’m thinking about Zane’s college and what Steph and I are going to do with the house. I forgot about all of that yesterday, while we were drinking coffee. I needed that today too.”
Derek frowns but his blue eyes are lit with curiosity. He cocks his head a little as though he’s trying to see something, like he’s trying to figure this out. There’s a pool of guilt in my stomach because he doesn’t know I saw him with Randy. That was a private part of his life that I accidentally stole without him giving it to me.
“I can make you forget all that other stuff.”
“That’s not exactly what I meant, but I have no doubt you can.” I cock a brow at him.
“What did you mean?” he asks.
“It feels good to have something in my life that isn’t tied to responsibility. That’s there because I want it to be, not because it has to be.” I shrug. “Even if it is only rock climbing with a friend. I haven’t had a lot of that.”
He shudders. “You’re killing me. That brooding thing really works for you.”
“Does it?” I tease.
“Yes. But light Jackson is sexy too.” He tosses the small rock he still had between his fingers. “So we’re friends? This is just weird.”
“Yeah, I know.” I chuckle. There’s a lightness in my chest that hasn’t been there in a long time. All my shit is still there, waiting beneath the façade of me letting go and just enjoying something. Within the next few minutes, I’ll likely freeze up and start thinking about all the things I need to do and who I need to be. About visiting Mom and paying bills, but for now, I feel good.
“Since we’re friends, does that mean we can girl talk? You never answered my question about if you’ve had a guy yet.”
I roll my eyes at him but goddamn, he’s endearing. “You sound like Frankie.”
He crosses his arms. “Who’s Frankie? I thought I was the only man in your life,” he says playfully.
“My partner at work. He’s why I knew to call you a power bottom, earlier. Not because he is one, but he’s schooled me on all the lingo, so I know what I’m talking about when I go out.” Though in a lot of ways, I still feel like an impostor. I would have felt like an imposter with Derek too—if I hadn’t seen him with Randy.
“Oh, I’m jelly. I totally would have loved to teach you all of that. Are we still ignoring my question?” He shakes his bangs off his forehead.
“No, I haven’t,” I admit.