Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 126215 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 631(@200wpm)___ 505(@250wpm)___ 421(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126215 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 631(@200wpm)___ 505(@250wpm)___ 421(@300wpm)
“So you’re back,” I commented needlessly.
His eyes didn’t move from mine, nor did he speak, most likely because I was stating the obvious.
There was a silence for a long while. I didn’t know what to say. For once I didn’t want to say anything, just drink in the fact he was here. In the flesh.
“I was wrong,” I blurted.
His body jerked and I continued.
“To push you away. Let you leave, I was wrong,” I whispered. “So fucking wrong,” I repeated, definitely needing the “fuck” in this moment.
Zane stayed silent.
“You’re everything to me, to Lexie. We need you,” I told him honestly.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Couldn’t speak. So instead I launched myself at him and hoped he’d catch me.
The moment my mouth touched his, his stiff demeanor changed. He lifted me, devouring my mouth. I wrapped my legs around him, melting into his touch. The kiss went furious and desperate in an instant. Months without him and I felt like I wanted to climb inside his skin. I couldn’t get close enough. He pushed me against the door and I vaguely noted we were inside. That wasn’t important at the current moment.
“Wait,” Zane clipped, pulling his head away from mine.
I jutted my lip out. He pressed his finger to my lips.
“Can’t do this shit, Mia.” His eyes were dark, and the veins in his neck pulsed.
I felt like something hit me in the stomach, and he slowly put me down, distancing himself from me. “What are you talking about?” I choked out.
He ran his hand through his hair then looked at me. His eyes were tortured. “You were right to break things off. Distance yourself. I’m not putting you in danger. I can’t.” He seemed to be dragging the words out.
I stepped forward, putting my hands on his chest. “I trust you. The club. I know you won’t let anything happen to us,” I told him firmly.
Zane looked at me before grabbing my wrists and taking them off his chest. “You’re wrong,” he informed me coldly. “I’ve done it once. Failed someone. I won’t do it to you and Lexie. I couldn’t exist in a world where you didn’t have sunshine,” he declared fiercely.
I frowned at him. “What are you talking about, Zane?”
He sighed, giving me a long look before his body sagged. “Gotta tell you some shit,” he declared. “When I tell you, you decide for yourself whether you want you and Lexie tainted with my darkness,” he clipped, eyeing me.
I stroked his rough jaw. “Promise you, no matter what, it’s not going to make me want to live without you. Make Lexie want to,” I told him firmly.
He stared at me a moment. “We’ll see,” he muttered, looking to the floor. He took a breath then looked back up, his eyes full of a pain so deep it hurt to look at.
“Her name was Laurie.” He spoke her name roughly, like he hadn’t uttered out loud in years.
I knew this wasn’t going anywhere good. In fact, I knew this was going somewhere downright horrific.
“Zane,” I muttered softly.
His finger went lightly over my lip. “You need to hear this,” he told me firmly. “Her name was Laurie and she was everything to me. I haven’t had love in my life. Hadn’t known it. Got shit parents—dad who liked to smack me around and a mom that didn’t give a shit.” His voice was detached and sounded strange. Maybe that was because I’d never heard him say so many words before. Words about himself. Who he was. Why he was the way he was. There were more. And they were soul destroying.
“So when I met her, discovered the type of love that existed, thought I was the luckiest motherfucker to walk the earth. She was the light of my fuckin’ life. Parents didn’t approve. They were good people. Saw the club for what it was. Back then it was nothing fuckin’ good.” He paused. “But ‘cause they were good people, they wanted their daughter to be happy, so they accepted me.” He shook his head slightly. “So I thought I had it fuckin’ all. My girl. My club. My life was fuckin’ sunshine,” he declared.
I shivered because all I wanted for Zane was sunshine, but I knew this wasn’t where it was headed.
“Then one day my sunshine turned to darkness. Single fuckin’ day, that light was gone, my life over.” He searched my face like he was remembering every single detail. “We were into deep shit back then, shit that leaked out and got Laurie killed. Raped. Tortured. Then killed.”
I flinched, physically flinched, at the dead way his voice rolled over those words. Tears started streaming down my face unbidden. He wiped them away softly.
“Thought my life had ended that day, Mia. Was certain of it. Made my peace with the darkness, with a life void of anything. Made my peace ‘cause I didn’t plan on living in the darkness too long,” he said, no nonsense.
I placed my hand over my mouth. He actually meant....
“Was gonna check out. Eat my gun. The guilt, the fuckin’ poisonous shit swirling inside me was killing me slowly anyway. Would rather it have been my own hand that did it in the end.” He gently removed my hand from my mouth and kissed it gently.
“Then someone saw it. There’s a look you get when you’re halfway in the grave. Didn’t know it. Brothers didn’t know it. She did. They pulled me back babe—the club,” he clarified. “Was angry as fuck at first. I just wanted it over. I was tired. So fucking tired of the constant fight against the shit inside my head. The darkness. Fuck, I was the darkness, a fuckin’ monster. What I turned into, what I still am.” He traced my face lightly. “And at first I was angry at you. You came into my life, made me want something I knew I could never have. Not with the marks on my soul. Not when I’d already killed one person who didn’t do a thing but love the wrong man.” He gave me a hard look, trying to communicate that I was loving the wrong man. “I’ll be forever grateful, for them, the club. For saving me. So I could somehow find more sunshine,” he murmured, eyes locked on mine. “See, what I had before bathed my world in a warm glow. Was beautiful. But what I’ve got with you and Lexie almost fuckin’ blinds me, it’s so bright.” The soft look left his face quickly. “Which is exactly why you were right that day. I was blind. Couldn’t see what I was doing, repeating the fuckin’ past,” he growled as if he was angry with himself. No, furious.