Total pages in book: 163
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
A woman.
“How long have you been lying to me?” I whisper.
He spins toward me, angered. “You think I want to lie to you? You think I want to go through this fucking shit?” He throws his phone and it hits the wall with force. I jump, startled. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
His silhouette blurs from my tears.
His eyes hold mine, and then, without another word, he picks up his computer and his phone from the floor and storms from the room.
I stare at a spot on the carpet for a long time, unsure what to think, unsure what to do. Did that really just happen?
Ten years.
I go to the window and look down at the party. Everyone is dancing and having the best time. I see Nathan take his computer and hook it to the speakers.
Who is she?
Betrayal washes over me like a wave in the ocean and I pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to calm myself down. And I here I was thinking… feeling.
My stomach rolls at the thought of him with a woman. Another woman.
He was mortified for touching me the other night because he saw it as cheating on her. He doesn’t want to sleep beside me anymore… because of her.
God, I’m a disaster.
And here I was thinking that there was something developing between us.
It has nothing to do with me.
My tears break the dam, and I drop to sit on the bed.
This hurts.
I always knew that one day I would lose him to someone else, but I was mollified by knowing that it would never be completely because I would always be the only woman in his life.
I think back and see the haunted look on his face, and his words come back to me.
I don’t even know who I am any more.
Sadness fills me. That makes two of us.
Half an hour and a good cry later, I wash my face and reapply my makeup.
I’m here for Neil’s birthday, and I need to get over myself.
I have no right to feel hurt. Nathan isn’t my boyfriend—we’re just friends.
I’m going to put a smile on my face, and I’m going to go downstairs. I’m going to be the friend that Nathan needs. I can’t stop seeing the pain on his face when he told me he doesn’t know who he is.
I know who he is. He’s a beautiful man that I care about, and I want to wrap him in my love and support him through whatever he’s going through.
I practice my broad smile in the mirror.
“Nathan, let’s dance,” I say.
My smile slips because behind it I can see the hurt in my eyes, even if no one else will. There’s no denying it to myself. I’m cut to the bone. A tiny part of my heart wishes it were me that Nathan had feelings for. Maybe that tiny part of my heart loves him, and maybe that tiny part of me will always feel like this.
I smile sadly. Nathan calls my vagina Tiny. Oh, the irony.
“Eliza?” I hear a voice call.
I quickly wipe my eyes and pat my cheeks. “In here!” I call happily from the bathroom.
Alex, Nathan’s only brother, comes into view and smiles. “There you are. I was looking for you.”
I put my lipstick back into my beauty case and zip it up. “I’m coming now.”
His eyes linger on mine, and I know that he knows. Alex is the only person that Nathan talks to about his sexuality.
“You okay?” he asks softly.
I nod, but suddenly, I feel all weak again, and my tears simmer dangerously close to the surface. “Yep.”
Don’t be nice to me or I’ll crack.
He sits on the side of the bathtub. “You want to talk about it?”
I shake my head. “Nope.” I do, but I know that I can’t, because I will cry and make this selfishly about me.
Why am I feeling like this?
Alex stands and takes me in his arms. The kindness of that act makes the stupid tears well again.
“I have to ask you something,” he says. He pulls back to look at me. “Do you have feelings for Nathan?”
“I love Nathan, you know that.” I sigh as I pull out of his arms.
“So, what do you make of all this?”
I exhale heavily. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just rattled because of the way I found out. He didn’t even tell me, Alex.”
“He doesn’t have feelings for her, he’s just attracted to her. That’s all. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Same thing.” I shrug.
“No, it’s not—not for a guy. They are a mile apart.”
“Did Nathan send you up here to check on me?”
He puts his hands into his jacket pockets, not wanting to answer me.
“That means yes.” I roll my eyes. “And of course. I don’t have feelings like that for Nathan. We’re friends, Alex, that’s all.”