Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 76396 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76396 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Dr Keaton nods.
“And you have experienced some injury to your head, yes?”
I nod. “Yes. I have. I have scars.”
He stands up and walks over to me, and I show him all my scars and where the injuries occurred. He nods, and takes notes, and then goes back to his desk, and takes a seat. “And drug use?”
“Yes, I was drugged. A lot in the first two years.”
We’ve been honest with Dr. Keaton about my ordeal, because it’s very hard for him to do a proper assessment if he doesn’t know what it is he’s dealing with. He needs to know, first hand, everything that may have affected my memory loss, and why.
“And you’re unsure what those drugs were?” he asks.
“I don’t know, sorry.”
“Okay,” he says, continuing to write down some notes, “I have a few theories, but obviously I’d like to run some tests, to find out more. Firstly, if we looked at just the trauma to your brain, and the use of drugs, we could contribute that to some of the memory loss, most specifically, the loss of memories just before the event, possibly two years prior or thereabouts. It would also add to the loss of some memories, during the event.”
I nod, listening. Erin is right beside me, holding my hand.
“Without a brain scan, however, we’re unable to see if there has been any sort of damage to the brain. Something as simple as lack of oxygen for too long, can cause significant memory loss.”
“I don’t...I don’t really recall any long periods without oxygen,” I tell him.
He nods, he has kind blue eyes, and when he speaks to me, he doesn’t make me feel...different.
“The other thing, and the most obvious one, I believe, would be post-traumatic memory loss. It comes under quite a few names, and research has shown, that it’s almost as if the brain is protecting itself. Memory repression is incredibly common when there has been a high level of psychological trauma. And while it seems strange, that after a while your brain wouldn’t just release the memories, there are cases where it has gone on for years, even decades in some cases, depending on the severity of the trauma. In your case, I’d consider your trauma severe.”
I swallow, and nod. “How can I remember what he did to me during those years, but not my life before...”
He shakes his head. “There could be many reasons. It’s incredibly hard to explain why the brain does what it does. Perhaps sub-consciously you wanted to forget those things, because it made it easier. The brain is so much more powerful than people could ever imagine, and therefore sometimes things happen, that we simply cannot explain.”
“Is there a chance I’ll get it back?” I say, hopefully, staring at him and praying for a good answer.
“Look, I can’t promise you anything. It is a positive that you are having flash backs when presented with a familiar sight, smell, person or object. That’s a good sign, it means there is a chance that over time, your brain will automatically start releasing memories. If some of the memory loss is from the trauma to your head, or the drug use, it could be harder to recover those memories. We won’t know until we do further testing. Unfortunately, most people have only one of the above problems that cause memory loss. You’ve been exposed to all of the factors, and because of that, it may be harder. But I assure you, we’ll do whatever we can, to recover what we can.”
I feel like my chest is going to cave in with disappointment. Not only have I got head injuries, but my brain has been damaged from drug use and to add to that, I’ve dealt with such severe psychological trauma that my brain is also trying to protect itself from. All those things combined is making it seem less and less likely that I’ll end up getting anything back.
I try not to cry, but I can feel the tears burning under my eyelids.
Dr. Keaton notices, and says, “Don’t give up hope, Ellie. You’re one of the worst cases I’ve been presented with, I won’t lie about that, but I’ve helped people for a good long time. I pride myself in it. I’m going to do whatever I can, so that at the very least, you’ll walk out of here knowing there is nothing else that can be done. We have therapies, and many different kinds of treatments we use to try and reconnect brain pathways. I won’t give up, until I know we’ve tried everything.”
That makes me feel grateful, and a little better.
“Thank you, for everything, I really appreciate it,” I tell him.
“You let us know what tests we need,” Erin says, “And we’ll get them done as soon as possible.”
Dr. Keaton nods. “I will give out everything you need, and set you up for all the tests. We’ll meet back here when I get the results of them all, and I’ll have more of a clear idea on the path to take that’ll get us where we need to go. Until then, I’ll give you a few things to try at home, to help connect the pathways again. It’ll all help.”