Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 94313 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 472(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94313 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 472(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
“I know.” She shrugged. “I guess God had different plans.”
“God, huh?” I asked, reluctantly pulling my hand away.
“Yes.”
“I can’t believe we’re going to have a kid.”
“Give it a couple days to sink in,” she advised seriously. “It took at least a month for me to absorb it.”
“A month?”
“Well, we’d only done it once,” she said in exasperation, widening her eyes.
“It only takes once.”
“Clearly.”
“And you didn’t even come,” I blurted, the memory popping up like a jack-in-the-box in my mind. I scowled. “And then you lied about it!”
Esther’s face turned about five different shades of red. It was fascinating.
“It was embarrassing.”
I jerked back in surprise. “Why the hell would you be embarrassed?”
“Well, because you clearly thought that I should’ve and I hadn’t, so—”
“You didn’t come because I’m a fuckin’ moron,” I said with a humorless laugh.
“I thought maybe—”
“Nope.” I put my hand up to cut her off. “If a woman doesn’t come, then you adjust. You take more time. You pay attention. You work together to make it happen. If you don’t do that, you’re selfish or lazy.”
Esther sat silently for a few moments before replying. “Which one were you?”
I choked and laughed as a little smile played at the corners of her mouth.
“I was drunk,” I replied sheepishly, reaching up to rub the back of my neck where the migraine was still threatening to ruin my day. “And an idiot.”
“I didn’t realize that,” she said softly.
“Whatever you’re thinkin’,” I barked, watching emotions race across her face. “Quit it. I knew exactly what I was doin’. I was just clearly too drunk to do it right.”
“But I was sober,” she pointed out.
“Thank Christ,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Listen, I’m sorry for how it all went down. All of it. You deserved better than gettin’ railed in the front seat of my Mustang.”
“Railed?” she said faintly.
“Poor choice of words,” I muttered. “You deserved better than losing your virginity at a party, alright? You deserved better than findin’ out you were pregnant and not knowin’ how to get ahold of me. You sure as shit deserved better than bein’ shipped out to some cabin in the woods with no electricity.”
“I wasn’t exactly a spectator during all of that,” she reminded me, grimacing. “I was the one who started it by showing off my hair. I told you I wanted you to kiss me, remember?”
I laughed silently and shook my head. “If my family heard you say that about your hair, I’d never hear the end of it.”
“What? Why?”
“I knew what I was doin’,” I continued, ignoring the questions. “You didn’t. I knew where it was headed and you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did,” she argued.
“Bullshit.”
“I did. I knew that we were going to do it.”
“Do it?”
“Have sex. Rail each other.”
I damn near choked on my tongue. “Uh, you’re usin’ that phrase wrong.”
Esther glared. “I’m not stupid,” she said stubbornly. “I knew what we were doing.”
“Sure,” I said, nodding. I was trying to agree with her because of course I didn’t think she was stupid, but it must have come across as condescending because Esther actually growled.
“I’m not a child,” she hissed, getting to her feet. “I may not know all the slang words for having sex, but that doesn’t mean I’m an idiot.”
“I don’t think you’re an idiot.”
“No, just naïve, right? Innocent? Immature?”
“I didn’t say—”
“I’m an adult,” she said through gritted teeth. “I chose to have sex with you because it felt good and it was exciting and—” She threw her hands in the air. By that time she was practically ranting and I settled in to watch the show. “You’re beautiful!”
“Say what?” I yelped. She ignored me.
“And I knew that I wasn’t going to have that chance again, okay? So, stop treating me like poor little naïve Esther who didn’t know what she was doing.” She was breathing heavy, her hands on her hips and her eyes sparking. “I knew what I was doing. I just didn’t anticipate these particular consequences.”
“You’re sayin’ you want me to take off the gloves?”
“I’m not super clear on that reference,” she muttered, her shoulders sagging. “But, yeah. Pretty much.”
I stared at her. At some point during her tirade she’d gotten warm enough to unzip her jacket and the dress underneath was stained and worn. She was wearing rubber boots that almost reached her knees, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She looked like a waif. A sad little orphan girl. Until I looked at her face. The stubborn set of her jaw and the way she looked at me like she was daring me to say something gentle and calming was pretty shocking. I had never seen Esther look anything but sweet and accommodating. Fucking pleasant.
No, that wasn’t true. I’d gotten a glimpse of that stubbornness when she’d chopped wood to prove Rumi wrong. My palms grew clammy as I thought of her striding around the cabin, not knowing that she was one spark away from being blown to pieces. That was what finally made my decision for me.