Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
“What single guy isn’t?” Maren popped a strawberry in her mouth.
Digging into my breakfast, I told them about the phone call with Rachel.
“Holy shit,” remarked Stella. “I can’t believe a mother would abandon her child to a stranger for a month. For any length of time at all. I wonder what’s going on there.”
“No idea,” I said, my mouth full of fluffy, maple-soaked deliciousness. “She’s lucky Nate is a good guy.”
“Is he, though?” Stella cocked her head to one side. “You’ve told me some stories. I wouldn’t think he’s the dad type.”
“I wouldn’t have either,” Maren added, “based on what you’ve said about him.”
“He wasn’t,” I agreed. “But he doesn’t really have a choice now, and he’s trying really hard. You should see him with her. It’s so sweet.” In my mind I could still see him hold her up so he could smell her freshly washed hair. My belly fluttered.
“You’re not doing all the work?” Stella sounded suspicious.
“Not at all!” I felt defensive about Nate. “I mean, I had to show him how to do everything, because he’s never had any experience with a baby, but he’s getting the hang of things. He feeds her and changes her and burps her and rocks her to sleep, and we gave her a bath together last night. Right in the kitchen sink, and afterward he took her and dried her off and got her ready for bed. So damn sweet.”
My sisters exchanged an amused glance. “You mentioned that.”
“What?” I demanded. “What’s that look for?”
“Be careful, Em,” Stella said. “Don’t let him take advantage of you.”
“What do you mean?”
Maren chimed in. “She means don’t let him think he’s got a sexy nanny living across the hall at his beck and call.”
“He doesn’t think that,” I said, annoyed. “I volunteered to help him. And we didn’t have sex! We’re just friends.”
“Okay, don’t get angry. I just know how you get and I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“How I get?” I set my fork down too, my appetite diminished.
“Yes,” Stella said in her I-am-a-therapist-so-I-know-more-about-your-feelings-than-you-do voice. “When you get a crush on someone, you go kamikaze immediately. And your crushes are never on guys who want that.”
“I don’t have a crush on him,” I lied, staring at my plate. “We only messed around a little. Jeez. I’m sorry I told you.”
Stella sighed. “No, no. Don’t be sorry—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, Emme, I only want you to be careful. I’ve seen you fall for the wrong guy, hard and fast, plenty of times.”
“I’m not falling for anybody,” I said, hoping it was true, “Nobody is falling, so you can stop worrying. Nobody is even having sex. Although if we did decide to have sex, it would be nobody’s business but our own. After all, if you and Buzz can have dating without sex, why couldn’t Nate and I have sex without dating? Everybody should be free to do what they want.”
“You’re right,” said Stella in a voice so calm it irked me. “You’re right and I’m sorry. Different relationships work for different reasons, and I hope you and Nate have one that works for you. If it’s sexual without being romantic and you’re okay with it, then great.”
“We only want you to be happy,” said Maren, rubbing my shoulder.
“Thank you.” I picked up my fork again and stabbed through my stack of pancakes, but I really didn’t want any more.
Would I really be okay having sex without romance? On the ride home, I thought about it. The truth was, I wasn’t sure. I’d never wanted to be that kind of person before. Maybe that was my trouble. Maybe it wasn’t men who disappointed me; maybe I was setting myself up for disappointment every time by expecting too much.
Maybe, as Nate had put it, sometimes a fuck really was just a fuck.
After all, it was mostly about anatomy, right? Intercourse. Penetration. Insert Part A into Slot B. Why, I wondered, had I always been so convinced there had to be emotions involved? Couldn’t you do it because it felt good? Because it relieved tension? Because it made you feel sexy and desirable and wanted? Look how good I’d felt in my skin this morning after that orgasm last night—good enough to wake up early and do yoga, for goodness sake! When was the last time I’d done that on a Sunday morning?
Maybe all this time, it was those women leaving Nate’s apartment in the morning who’d had it right, and smug, self-important little me who’d had it wrong.
But how could I be sure?
Eight
Nate
Sunday morning, I woke up determined to do what I’d promised myself and stay away from Emme. I wouldn’t text her with updates. I wouldn’t call her for advice. I wouldn’t invite her over to help. I needed to do things on my own, even if I was going on less than five hours of sleep and craved nothing but caffeine and sugar.