Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 84344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“Yes, you will,” my father says definitely. My mother steps toward him and puts her hand on his arm.
“Max,” she says his name softly. He turns to look at her, and I see his head shaking side to side. The tears coming to his eyes.
“You can’t be okay with this, Allison.” She puts her hand up to wipe away his tears. “You can’t,”
he repeats. His voice is almost broken, making my heart break.
My stomach lurches up and down. “Dad, he’s the best man I know,” I say without moving from my spot, and my own tears come now. “And you helped make him that man.”
“You can’t do this, Alex,” he says, his voice breaking. “You need to forget about him for your own good.”
I laugh bitterly. “You don’t think I’ve tried that?” I raise my hands, and my sadness turns to anger. “For the past two years, all I’ve done is date guys. Guys who I would never even look at because I was like you won’t know until you try. Guys who treated me like garbage. Guys who literally had sex with the waitress in the bathroom while I waited for them. Guys who called me Ally,” I scoff out. “Ally because Alex was too much work for them. Guys who stood me up more than once, but I gave them a chance because all I wanted to do was not love him,” I admit as the tears run down my face. “Blind dates, dating apps. You name it, I did it. Fuck, I joined Christian Mingle, hoping that I would meet someone, anyone who would make me feel anything. Anything.” I put my hand to my heart. “And all it did was cement the fact that I was in love with someone who would never love me back. All it did was show me what I couldn’t have. Every time I would see him, my heart would hurt in my chest. It would get to the point I honestly went to the doctor because I thought I had something wrong with this.” I point at my heart. “I went through two years of hell trying to pretend that everything was okay when I would go to my room at night and cry.”
“Alex.” My mother takes a step toward me, but I hold up my hand.
“I went through all of this, telling myself it was wrong. Telling myself I shouldn’t feel this way, and I now know he loves me back.”
“I will never be okay with this,” my father announces. “Never. I will never accept him in my family.”
“Max,” my mother says, putting a hand to her mouth to stop the sob. “You can’t mean that.”
“I do,” he declares, standing there looking at me. The man who I put all men against, the man who told me that I’m worth all the candy in all the world. The man who also told me I wasn’t allowed to ever get married.
“You can’t do that to him,” I say, my heart hammering in my chest like a jackhammer. “You can’t just cut him out like that.”
“I can, and I will,” my father says. “I will not sit around while you ruin your whole life for one mistake.”
“This family,” I say, trying to steady my voice. “This family is everything to him. It’s the only family he has.” I look at him now, knowing he isn’t going to change his mind. I know that I’m going to have to sacrifice everything I want for one person, and that isn’t my father. “If you do this, it will rip the family apart,” I explain, my voice shaking.
“It will.” My father takes a stance.
“Then I’ll walk away from him.” I say the words at the same time that my chest tightens and my mother gasps out loud. “I’ll walk away from him.” I say the words again, hoping it doesn’t hurt, but instead, it hurts me more. It’s like a knife being lit on fire and then sliding into my heart. “But know that I’ll do that just so he can stay in the family.” I make it clear. “I’ll do that for him.” I wipe the tear away from my cheek. “And only him.” I put my hands to my stomach. “This is the only family he’s ever had.” I look at my mother, who is silently crying as she looks at me. “The only family who has ever loved him, and I’m not taking that away from him. Not now.” I shake my head. “Not ever. Because he deserves to be loved by everyone.” I want to break down and cry. My legs start to tremble, and I’m about to fall, but I’ll be strong. “I’ll walk away.” I say the words again. “It’s not even an option. So, tell me, Dad.” I look at him, his chest rising and falling as if he just ran a marathon. “Is me walking away from him going to make everything okay?” His hands are clenched at his sides in a fist, the same hands that made sure I was always okay. The same hands that used to tickle me until I cried. The same hands that used to hold the bike up when I was learning so I wouldn’t fall. The same hands that used to wipe away my tears. The same hands I knew that one hug from him would make everything better.