Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 98134 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98134 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
“Cuddling you. Shh. Let it happen.”
I shake my head, but I’m grinning. She’s fucking ridiculous. I slowly lower my hands to rest on her back and give her an awkward pat.
“There you go. Just follow your instincts. Pat me if that’s how you like it.”
I laugh. “You’re the one making this weird.”
“Weird can be good.”
I put my arms all the way around her, pulling her in tight. I have to admit the weight and pressure of her body against me is nice. It’s relaxing. I feel myself letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Some of that old, long-forgotten tension I carry at all times leaks out of my shoulders.
“You know…” she says after several minutes of silence. “Cuddling on beds is fun, too. I would imagine it’s even more fun on water beds.”
I raise an eyebrow. I can’t say if she’s hoping this goes where I’m thinking or if she really does just want to keep this up in bed. Then again, I wouldn’t really complain about either outcome. “Come on, then,” I say, carefully untangling myself from her and standing. “Let’s do it.”
Her eyes light up. “I’m not sure I’ve ever been this excited.”
She rushes up to me and takes my hand in both of hers, squeezing tight and making an excited noise through her teeth.
I lead her to my bedroom and no small part of me wonders where this is going to lead, but I push that curiosity to the back and pull open the door. I gesture toward the bed.
“Can we make it vibrate, please?”
I laugh. “Okay. Sure.”
I get on the bed and reach behind the headboard, flicking on the switch. A gentle, constant vibration starts to ripple through the bed.
Andi jumps on the bed, laying flat on her back like a starfish. She closes her eyes and moans, then rolls to the side, looking at me from where I’m still on my knees. “Get down here.”
I lay back on top of the covers and she scooches toward me, resting her head on my chest and throwing a leg over me. Her small hand lays on my chest and her fingertips idly circle. “This is nice,” she whispers.
I know she’s not pressing me for more information, but something about the moment makes me feel odd. The innocent contact on the couch. The feeling of her head on my chest and her apparent comfort with the silence… It makes me feel like all the shit I’ve been bottling up since the breakup is right there. It’s at the tip of my thoughts and it all feels slimy and stale from being held in so long. In this moment, it almost feels like I might be sick if I don’t just get it out.
“Sarah isn’t anything like you,” I say. I have no idea where I’m going with this, but I can feel I’m definitely going.
“That’s a shame. I think I’m pretty great.”
I smile at the ceiling. “You’re alright.”
She whacks me with the hand on my chest. “You know you like me. You just don’t like to admit it.”
I don’t speak for a while. When I do, my smile is completely gone. “We met when we were younger. I was traveling for hockey stuff pretty regularly. I had this summer camp I went to every year in her hometown out in Connecticut. We met there and kind of started a long distance thing. I think the long distance worked for both of us, but we talked a lot about how perfect it would be if we could finally just live in the same place.
“For me, it was probably easier to have a long distance girlfriend for that period of my life. It took way less time and I didn’t need to deal with drama because I was constantly traveling for hockey. We saw each other a few weeks over the summer and occasionally made a trip out to visit. Other than that, it was easy. Phone calls, promises of finding a way to live in the same place eventually, that kind of shit.”
“Long distance is hard,” Andi says. “My high school boyfriend moved away for college. He was super normal before. Then all of a sudden he wanted to be on the phone constantly. He wanted me to keep it on speaker at night ‘to hear me breathe’. Really, I think he just was insecure and wanted some kind of proof I wasn’t cheating on him.”
“Yeah,” I say. “It was tough. Eventually, the excuses dried up. I got drafted and we started talking about the future more. There weren’t any more good reasons for us to live apart, and she finally agreed to move here to Frosty Harbor with me. But we both had our own lives at that point. She had music, which was hours of playing and recording stuff at home or traveling for days at a time to go to far-off festivals. I usually couldn’t go with her, and once we were living together, it felt like a bigger deal.”