Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 98134 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98134 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
“Actually, I’m trying to get enough alcohol in my system so I stop asking myself what the hell I’m doing here.”
“Babysitting?” I ask, even though I’m pretty sure I know that isn’t what he means.
“Sure, that. But you, too. Jake has to suspect something by now. He’s like a brother to me, and I’m going behind his back with his sister.”
“Come on,” I say. “We barely kissed.”
He eyes me. “Trust me. That’s only because I’ve demonstrated a metric fuck-ton of self-restraint.”
“Well,” I say, not quite sure how to respond to that. “Jake would be mad even if nothing was going on. He always does this. I had a few really bad relationships when I was younger. Jake was busy because he was always traveling for hockey camps and training and tournaments back then. He didn’t really know how bad it was for me until he got back for the holidays one year and kind of saw the aftermath. I think he never forgave himself for not being there. And ever since, he has been like this.”
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I can understand that. Caroline’s driven as hell. If she was less busy taking over the town and doing what she does, I can’t say I’d be doing much better than Jake in the overprotective department. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to see some asshole mistreat her. That’s why I don’t hold it against Jake. I know how hard it must be.”
“Yeah,” she says. “But even if I understand his intentions, it doesn’t mean I have to be ruled by them. Neither do you.”
He eyes me, then looks at his beer. It’s already empty. He points to my barely touched beer. “Want another?”
“Stay,” I say, touching his arm before he can get up to grab another. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to numb yourself to be with me. If the whole… officially unofficial thing we talked about is too much for you, then we don’t have to act on it. You can just talk to me. That’s fine.”
His eyes fall to my lips and he slowly shakes his head. “I don’t think you understand, Andi. I can’t just talk to you. The moment I saw you in that torn up wedding dress, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get you out of my mind. I…” he trails off, his big hands clenching on the glass until his knuckles go white. “I know I can’t keep you. But I need to have you. Tonight. Tomorrow night. As many nights as I can manage. I think that’s the only way this is going to work, though.”
I’m not sure if I’m breathing anymore. His words are rattling around in my brain, not quite sinking in. “What do you mean?”
“At night, you’re mine. During the day, it’s business as usual. That’s how this needs to work. That’s what I meant the first night on the couch. I want to fuck you, Andi. Not date you. I’m not ready to date anybody. So, that’s it. It’s all on the table now, and you can take it or leave it. No hard feelings either way.”
Apparently, he has been thinking a lot about this. All I can do is nod my head.
At night, you’re mine.
I replay those words again and again. Each time they repeat in my mind, I feel a rush of warmth that makes the cold bite in the air feel like it can’t touch me. Yes, there’s bone-numbing disappointment in his words. He doesn’t want to date me. He doesn’t want me like that. Of course he doesn’t. He just wants my body.
I want that stuff, too, though. So maybe I can take what he’s offering, even if it isn’t everything I want. Because who knows, maybe the rest will come along the way?
I bite my lip and shift my eyes to the dark horizon and the faint outline of forested mountains in the distance. “No hard feelings either way?” I ask after I’ve had time to think over what he said. “You mean you won’t be… feeling hard if I say I want you to fuck me, too?”
Jesse’s sharp intake of breath would make me laugh if I wasn’t having a bit of a moment myself. Instead, I just bite my lip and shrug. “It looks a lot like night out there. And if I’m supposedly yours at night, we better get–”
The next thing I know, I’m being carried cave-man style through the screened porch door and toward Mikey’s bedroom. Normally, I’d have all sorts of hygienic, moral, and practical concerns about what we’re going to do in another man’s bed. But my pounding heart and absolutely humming libido are blasting away all of it. I just want whatever he’s planning. I want him. His hands on me. His breath against my skin. His lips on mine.