Total pages in book: 32
Estimated words: 29210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 146(@200wpm)___ 117(@250wpm)___ 97(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 29210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 146(@200wpm)___ 117(@250wpm)___ 97(@300wpm)
But she might not be feeling the same way, and I guessed that was what I needed to find out, and then I could plan the next course of action.
She headed into the kitchen, and I sat down at the dining room table. I watched her as she grabbed a couple glasses and set them on the table before turning and heading toward the fridge and pulling out a pitcher of lemonade. I knew she was trying to keep busy because she was nervous.
After she poured us both a glass and set the pitcher on the table, she took a seat across from me.
“Thank you,” I said as I reached for my glass, bringing it to my lips and taking several long swallows of the slightly sweet and sour drink. But still, it couldn’t quench my thirst, because what I was parched for had nothing to do with needing something to drink.
It had everything to do with Leila, and only her.
A gruff exhale left me, and it was a mixture of frustration for how things played out and hesitation on how things would move forward. “I think we need to talk about that night, Leila.” I just came out and said it, not beating around the bush.
She licked her lips and nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s probably best.” She looked down at the table, and I saw her running her fingers over the condensation that started to form on the outside of the glass. “Although I don’t really know what to say, Devon. I don’t really know how to process any of this.”
Telling her that I was in love with her was right on the tip of my tongue. Maybe it would clear the air, make things better for her. I was about to say it, but I stopped myself. She was already freaked out, and rightfully so. Me telling her that I was madly in love with her could push her over the edge to where she really put a wall between us. I didn’t want that.
When I finally told her what she meant to me, how I felt about her, I wanted things the way they were, not this tension that was suffocating us, closing in on our relationship.
“We were drunk, Leila. Things just happened. I’m sure this isn’t the first time best friends banged.” I was trying to make light of the situation, smiling at her and making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. But inside, it was a big fucking deal. It meant she was mine, and I was not letting her go.
I know I told myself that if she just wanted to be friends then so be it, but as I sat across from her, really talking to her for the first time since it happened, I knew that would be impossible. I didn’t want anyone else touching her. I didn’t want any other men talking to her. Fuck, I didn’t even want any male to look in her direction.
Those thoughts had possessive jealousy swirling inside me, and I curled my hands into tight fists and placed them on my lap so she couldn’t see how tense I actually was.
“We just got drunk?” She mirrored my response but phrased it like a question. “Just two friends banging?” She laughed awkwardly. “Devon, we did stuff that can’t be taken back. We did things that changes our friendship.”
I was already shaking my head before she stopped speaking. “Leila, it doesn’t have to change anything.” That was a fucking lie, but right now, I needed to reassure her that I was still here, not going anywhere, and that her being comfortable and happy was my very first priority. “I don’t regret what we did,” I said, letting the words play out. “I love you more than anybody else.” I’m in love with you. “And I see it as us sharing another piece of ourselves with each other. Things happened that can’t be taken back, but that doesn’t mean we can’t move forward.” All of that was true, but I meant it on a whole other level, a level I wasn’t ready to reveal to her yet in fear I’d push her away even more.
“I love you too, Devon, but this whole situation… it’s just uncomfortable.” She cleared her throat and shifted on the chair.
She still ran her fingers along the glass, smearing condensation. Her focus was on the lemonade, and I just wanted to reach out and take her hand, hold it in mine, and tell her this didn’t have to ruin what we had.
“I just need time,” she finally said after a prolonged moment of silence. She lifted her eyes to look at me then. “Can you give me that?”
Everything in my body roared out, No! I didn’t want more time away from her. I was slowly dying inside to be near her. But I kept that all to myself.