Total pages in book: 54
Estimated words: 51525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
“I had something beautiful,” I say bitterly to guard my heart against his words, and his body goes rigid above mine.
He pulls back to look at me, and his voice is soft when he says, “Baby.”
“I don’t care what you’ve convinced yourself of, Denver. I’m not interested in what you think is going to happen between us.”
“Do you feel safe inside those walls you’ve built around yourself? Are you happy there? Are you okay with living your life like you have been? Are you okay with the idea of one day settling down with some guy you don’t really give a fuck about, just because it’s safe, he’s safe?” he questions, and my insides twist painfully.
“Get off me,” I hiss, his words striking too close to home.
“No, I want to know. Do you like the idea of being with someone who doesn’t give enough of a fuck about you to even try and sort your shit out?”
“Oh, and you’re going to be the one to do that? Because you… what? Know me so well?”
“Yeah, Bre, I fucking know you. I know you better than you fucking know yourself. I know you love me just as much as I love you, and I know that scares the shit out of you. I also know you’ll do anything to protect yourself, even if that means passing up something you realize is good. I hate to be the one to tell you this, baby, but life fucking sucks sometimes, but either you learn from it or you don’t. I pray to fucking God I never have to know what it feels like to lose the person I planned on spending the rest of my life with. But if God forbid that ever did happen, I hope like fuck I’m strong enough to take a chance on a good thing when I see it. I hope I’m able to risk losing it all again for the chance of being happy, even if it’s just for a little fucking while.”
With those words cutting me open, he lets me go and knifes off the bed, leaving me feeling cold and completely alone. My throat burns and my heart aches. I want to take everything back. I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him I’m sorry, that he’s right, that you should risk it all for the chance of being happy, even for a moment. But I don’t.
I sit up, keeping my eyes averted from him as I numbly find my shoes and put them on along with my jacket. I don’t look at him before I head up the stairs. I can’t. I don’t trust myself with my emotions running so high. When I make it to the deck and step off the boat, my heart is hurting so badly I don’t even care there are people around looking at me oddly, that a lot of them are people who know my family and will surly call my dad or Shel with questions.
When I make it to the end of the pier, I gasp when a hand wraps around my bicep. I look up into Denver’s blank eyes, and my heart cracks then splinters further when he speaks in a voice completely void of emotion. “I’m taking you home, and I don’t want to hear one goddamn excuse as to why I’m not.” I nod once then follow him to his truck. Once we’re both buckled in, he drives to my house, stopping in the driveway without shutting down the engine. “Tell Ly I won’t be able to make it today, that something came up and I had to work.”
My chest aches like a hundred-pound weight has settled on it, and tears make the back of my throat burn as I swallow them down. I keep my head lowered, nod, and then open the door, hopping out of the cab. When I slam the door, I stand there staring at my feet, willing myself to open the door back up to talk to him. No matter how hard I try to work up the courage to face my fears, I don’t. I don’t, because I’m a coward. I don’t, because I don’t have the strength.
With a deep, shaky breath, I walk around the back of his truck then head up my steps to let myself into my house. It’s dark and quiet, and that only adds to the loneliness I’m already feeling. I head down the hall to my bedroom, strip out of my clothes, and then crawl into bed, where I cry until I can’t cry anymore.
_______________
Standing at the top of the sledding hill, I watch Ly and Pen climb onto Ly’s bright orange sled and take off down the muddy snow-covered ground with a scream. When we pulled up here a little over an hour ago and I saw the state of the hill, I wanted to turn around and head home, but I didn’t. I didn’t, because first, Ly was seriously disappointed Denver canceled his plans with her, and second, the reason for Ly’s disappointment was entirely my fault and I needed to make that up to her.