Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 90075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
A terrifying growl percolated in his chest. “Careful, Ella. I’d be extremely fucking careful if I were you.”
Planting my hand on his taut, tense belly, I shoved him into the corridor and clung to my doorknob for support. It was now or never. It would work or fail. By tonight, I could be at the mercy of a total stranger or...I could belong to the monster currently snarling at me as if he wanted to murder me, bury my body, and piss a ring of ownership around my grave.
Standing to my full height, I pushed him so he crashed against the opposite wall and said as clearly and as coldly as I could muster, “I intend to go to The Black Peacock tonight and every night until I find a man worthy of claiming me. A man who will worship me and love me. A man who will spend the rest of his life making me crawl for him, spread for him, and come for him. I will fall in love. I will commit myself to him and only him because he is worthy of loving me in return. Someone who’s smart and sexy and obsessed with me, just like I’m obsessed with him. We will live a life full of lust and love. A life of happiness as well as pain. He may die young. I might die before him. But in the years we’re alive, we will have a love story that most can only fantasise about. And you...”
I sighed heavily. “You will be exactly as you are. Precisely as you want to be. Alone.”
Agony tore through him. Terror and disbelief as his mouth parted, and he shook his head. “You can’t do that. You can’t let another man touch you. Not in that way—”
“Why?”
“Because...” He wiped his mouth with a trembling hand. “I-I forbid it.”
I caught his stare.
I gave him the saddest smile. “You relinquished all rights to me, remember?”
The blackened yearning pouring off him tangled with his rage. “You said you wouldn’t make this difficult! That you wouldn’t try to stop me from leaving.” His teeth tore at the words. “You said that at the circus. You promised me.”
“What can I say? I lied.”
“You’re going to get hurt.”
“Already am.” I held his stare. “I’m looking for someone brave enough to cure that hurt.”
His eyes turned black. “Ella. Stop. Just...fuck. It’s not safe. You can’t let another have you. You can’t give them what you gave me.”
I shrugged, just the tiniest twitch of goodbye. “That’s the thing, Nicholas...I can. And I will.”
Closing the door in his face, I flicked the lock and tumbled to my bedroom floor.
Tears breached my eyes.
Rivers tumbled down my cheeks.
And I curled up into a little ball, empty of courage, vacant of hope, just needing a moment to grieve.
Chapter Fifteen
OH GOD.
Are you sure, Ella?
Truly, positively sure?
I gulped as I entered The Black Peacock and froze on the threshold.
All the nerves of today. All the uncertainty that I was doing the right thing and the heartache of hearing Nick stalk out of the house and not return churned in my stomach.
I hadn’t been able to eat anything.
I’d nicked myself twice with my razor because I couldn’t stop shaking long enough to shave my legs.
I’d paced my bedroom a thousand miles while waiting for the afternoon to pass and night to fall, fighting the urge to run the entire time.
Run to where?
I had no family to turn to.
No friends I could be this honest with.
The only person I could share this mess with was Hunter, and I didn’t want to call him during the day because I had a feeling he worked all night and slept while the sun shone.
Besides, if he told me to hop in my car and drive to see him instead of offering myself to a total stranger, I would probably do it. ‘Break Nick Plan’ be damned.
Better the devil I knew than the devil I didn’t.
He’ll come...
He has to.
Tears pricked my sore eyes.
I wasn’t so sure.
The roar he’d made as he slammed the front door had been loud enough to rattle the bricks loose from our porch.
I’d waited for him to come back.
I’d braced myself for him to be waiting outside for me—to tie me up and prevent me from going.
I hoped against all hope that he’d see how much he needed me before I even had to step foot in this place, but...he’d vanished.
I’d spent two miserable hours trying to decide what to wear, googling what was most appropriate for a first visit to a club such as this and fought the diabolical urge to go shopping for corsets, leather, and buckles.
Apparently, leather had to be earned or gifted.
There were rules on hierarchy and wardrobe.
According to most of the beginner sites—the webpages full of wannabe subs and hesitant Doms—they all said the same thing: fetish wear, theme appropriate, and costumes were welcomed, but if you were going to a munch (a casual meet-up outside of a club, usually at a restaurant or bar) then anything went—work uniforms, scuffed jeans. If it was your first time at a club, then it was best to wear something comfy and cool because no one did well stressing and sweating in tight latex.