Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 90827 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90827 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
“I knew it would be hard,” he murmured, looking down at his fingers. “But I still—I need him.” His voice wavered and he clenched his fingers into fists. “I’m a grown, self-sufficient man. I have a daughter I adore. I shouldn’t feel this way. I know that.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” the Queen-Consort said, her mental presence reaching out to give him a telepathic hug.
Jamil closed his eyes, allowing himself to soak in her warmth, her love for him. For a moment, it helped. For a moment, he felt like everything would be all right.
But then his mother pulled back, and the cold, hollow feeling seeped back into his chest.
“There’s nothing worse for a mother than seeing her children unhappy,” the Queen said, her voice toneless. “And knowing that it is our fault. We were the ones who chose bondmates for you and Seyn. Of course we couldn’t know that it would end like this, but…” She shook her head, pursing her lips. “At times like this, I wish the Bonding Law never existed.”
“It’s not your fault, Mother,” Jamil said, forcing out a smile. “So… Ambassador Denev?”
* * *
A few days later, Seyn accepted Denev’s suit.
Jamil tried not to look at Seyn’s false smile or notice the equally false happiness Seyn was trying to project for his family’s sake.
Part of him wanted to give his little brother a tight hug and tell him he understood. Part of him wanted to shake him and tell him to get his head out of his ass and grab happiness that was actually within Seyn’s reach instead of choosing to be miserable.
He wanted to shake himself, too. Jamil hated feeling so depressed, hated that he couldn’t even enjoy his daughter’s little achievements without wishing for Rohan to see them, too. Sometimes he almost hated Rohan, hated him for reducing him to this… pathetic, needy being. He was the Crown Prince of the Third Grand Clan, dammit. He needed to pick himself up and move on. He owed it to his daughter. Tmynne deserved a better father than this shell of a man he’d become.
So Jamil forced himself to act like a functional sentient being. He played with Tmynne for hours, he made sure to spend some time with his family every day, and he buried himself in work.
He still couldn’t sleep, and on the rare occasion he did, he dreamed of a warm, achingly familiar mental touch, of strong arms wrapped tightly around him, of a hoarse, slightly accented voice calling him Love, of the feeling of absolute rightness and completeness that left him hollow once Jamil woke up, his eyes wet.
When Seyn ended up in the center of another scandal, caught kissing his ex-bondmate at the ball, it was almost a relief for Jamil. This was another distraction, another disastrous situation that needed his full attention.
He didn’t blame Seyn, despite all the problems his behavior had created for their House.
Jamil stood, quiet, while their mothers chewed Seyn out.
“We just don’t understand, Seyn,” the Queen said at last, shaking her head. “That man humiliated you in the worst possible way. He treated you abominably for years—you said you were happy to be rid of him—and now you get caught kissing him in public—while you’re both betrothed to other people! I couldn’t look Ambassador Denev in the eye!”
Seyn dropped his gaze. “I’m sorry, Mother,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to put you in an awkward position.”
“Then why, Seyn?”
Seyn lifted his gaze and smiled, a little guiltily. There was happiness in his eyes, shining bright despite his guilt. “I love him. It’s always been him for me. He—he proposed to me and everything. He chose me, Mother.” He looked giddy.
The Queen’s gaze softened.
She sighed. “Oh, Seyn.” She pulled him close and hugged him. “I’m happy for you, darling. I just wish you and Ksar had worked it out earlier without hurting other people and creating unnecessary scandals.”
Seyn shrugged, not looking particularly sorry. He really felt happy, happy in a way Jamil had never seen his brother. And why wouldn’t Seyn be? He was in love, his feelings were returned, and he could now be with the man he loved. Of course he was happy.
Jamil averted his gaze. “I hope Ksar knows what he is doing. The Council is going to be furious with him for wasting their time.” Ksar was an excellent, highly respected politician, but even he would have trouble navigating that minefield of his own creation. The Council had made an exception for Ksar, allowing him to break his childhood bond to Seyn, something unheard of, and now Ksar’s complete turnabout wouldn’t exactly endear him to anyone.
Seyn shrugged. “Yeah, but I’m sure Ksar can handle it.”
Jamil smiled a little. Seyn’s complete confidence in Ksar’s ability to handle anything was rather endearing. Or rather, it would be endearing if the object of Seyn’s devotion were someone other than Ksar. After Jamil’s last less than pleasant encounter with Ksar, he found it hard to think of that ruthless, arrogant man in the same sentence as the word endearing.