Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 84533 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84533 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
CHAPTER THREE
Cyrus
I was counting the days until Crow might come down the mountain again. Was it every single month? Did it happen on the exact same day? Did he always go to the hardware store? So many questions I didn’t have answers to, and I didn’t know who to ask, or if I should ask. This obsession I’d had with him over the last few weeks probably wasn’t healthy, but I held on to it just to have something.
Today was exactly a month since the day he’d come down the mountain, and of course I was off work. I didn’t ask for much in life. Couldn’t I be working the day my new fascination came back so I would have an excuse to talk to him? Instead, I was searching for my keys, which I kept losing. The plan was to head downtown and linger around all day in hopes of spotting him. What I would say to him if I did see him was a mystery.
It was still early in the morning when I made my way to Tranquil Brew so I could get my coffee. Melody was working like always. I swear the woman never had a day off. She smiled when she saw me in a way that made warning bells go off inside me.
“Hey, Cyrus. You’re a little early today.”
That’s because I’m trying to stalk a mountain man.
“I’m off work but felt like getting out of the apartment early.” Which was unusual but good for me. I tended to sit around all day when I was off. Depending on my mood, I could stay home for days, weeks even, while other times, I had to get out or I felt like I was losing it.
“Well, lucky me.”
That warning inside me grew. I stuffed my hands in my jeans pockets and tried to avoid making eye contact with her. Did I just spit out that I was gay? If I was wrong about what she was doing, I’d look like an asshole, and if she was a homophobe, that would suck. But then, it had been a long time since I’d hidden my sexuality from anyone, a long time since I was ashamed, and I didn’t plan to go back into the closet now. People in Tranquility didn’t know, but that was only because I wasn’t friends with anyone. I hadn’t been here long enough to hook up with anyone either, if there was even someone I could hook up with. I had no idea.
She charged me for my usual, while I racked my brain for what to say. “I moved here to get away from my ex-boyfriend,” I spit out like an idiot. I’d left Eddie over a year ago, after my OD and before going into rehab, but I’d run into him a few times after that, and he always tried to get me back. I couldn’t figure out why because when we were together, he was never happy with anything I did.
“Ugh. I have an asshole ex too,” she replied. “And I thought you might be queer.”
She had? “I thought…”
“You thought I was trying to hit on you? No. I just thought we might be on the same team. I guess I should mention my ex is a woman.”
Oh…oh. “Well, now I feel stupid.”
Melody chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. You are cute, just not my type. But I do know how hard it can be to find your people, so if you need a friend…”
That was even harder to wrap my head around than her hitting on me. I hadn’t had friends since I was sober. One might argue I didn’t have friends when I was using either. It was all about drugs or Eddie or being high and fucking Eddie and his friends. Gangbangs were his thing, and I was usually the center of attention. Not that it had bothered me. I loved sex and chased the feeling it gave me. While the high never lasted, for a moment or two it felt good. Not the deep, real kind of good. I wasn’t sure I ever felt something real in my life, but temporarily it gave me something.
“Thank you,” I replied, which was probably not what she’d been hoping to hear. “I’m not good at that…friendship. I tend to…” Fuck it up? Get lost inside myself? Drop off the face of the earth? Get high and forget about someone? The list was endless.
“No pressure. I just thought I’d put it out there. How about I give you my number just in case, and if you feel comfortable, you can give me yours?”
Wow, that was really fucking cool of her, especially when my response probably could have used some work. Telling someone I sucked at friendship was an asshole move and likely sounded like an excuse. I nodded, then looked away while she finished making my drink. When she handed it over, we swapped numbers, and then I quickly slipped out of Tranquil Brew, my skin too tight and feeling like I’d let her down, and somehow, like I’d let my mom down too. She would have wanted me to try to be friends with Melody. She would have wanted me to have as many friends as possible.