Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Even if I ever did possess a trait like that, which I don’t think I did, this isn’t about that. This isn’t about morals or rules or boundaries or fucking right and wrong.
This is about her.
This is about him betraying her. This is about him going behind her back, breaking her trust, breaking her dream.
This is about him breaking her fucking heart.
And no one gets to break her heart.
No one gets to hurt her.
“You fucking asshole,” I thump his back against the truck. “She trusted you. She trusts you. She thinks you’re her best friend. She thinks you can mend her heart. You can help her move on. She’s been beating herself up for everything she’s done to you. She’s –”
“Stellan, stop!”
For a few seconds I think I’m imagining her voice.
I think I’ve conjured her up in my head to ground myself. So I don’t do what I always want to do. So I don’t break my promise that I made to myself years and years ago.
But then I hear footsteps.
Running, urgent.
Followed by another plea. “Stellan, no. Don’t do it. Stop!”
And I notice Shepard’s focus switching to something over to the side, just off my shoulders. “Isadora, no.”
“But you –”
“Don’t come any closer,” he warns, shaking his head.
I keep watching him. I keep watching his face.
The concern in his eyes. The lines of worry around his mouth.
Is he…
Is he trying to protect her?
Her.
From me?
And the fact that he’s right to do that. The fact that I’m so fucking dangerous to her pisses me off even more and I jerk at his collar, demanding his attention back at me. I don’t want him looking at her like that.
Only I get to look at her like that.
With concern. With worry.
Like she’s my entire fucking universe.
Gritting my teeth, I get ready to lay one into him when I hear her again. “Stellan? Look at me.”
I don’t know why I’m not.
Maybe because as soon as I see her, I know, I know, my anger will vanish. If not vanish then it will take a backseat. My blazing fire will simmer down. My hurtling heart will race but in another way. In a way that’s safe, that gives me both comfort and excitement. She’s always telling me how I keep her safe but she’s the one who saves me just by existing.
And that’s the very reason I can’t let it go, see. I can’t spare him.
Not after what he did.
Not after how he hurt her.
He needs to learn that this isn’t how you treat the girl you love.
This isn’t how you treat my girl.
“Please,” she pleads again.
And fuck, fuck.
I can’t deny her.
I can’t deny her anything.
I still keep a firm hold on Shepard though as I turn my eyes toward her, and it happens. What I was afraid of, it comes to pass.
I almost come down on my knees, my body feeling weak at the sight of her.
She looks like a fever dream.
A hallucination.
Standing under the flood of yellow light from the pole, she looks like I made her up in my head. Her jet-black hair framing her face, going down her back. Her satin skin flushed from the cold. Her gray eyes luminous as she stares at me. And that dress, all white and all pretty.
She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.
My girl.
My baby. My sweetheart.
Dora.
Do. Ra.
And Jesus Christ, she’s not wearing a coat again. It’s fucking cold out. It’s going to snow soon and she needs more than that flimsy dress she’s got on. Why doesn’t she get that even if she loves the cold, it will still give her frostbite?
Why doesn’t she get that she needs to be kept safe?
From winter.
From me.
From anything and everything that can ever hurt her.
“It’s fake,” she declares.
And I wake up from the trance that her sight always puts me in.
I frown in confusion.
Which she understands and taking a hiccupping breath, she explains, “The engagement. It’s fake, Stellan. Shepard’s not…. We’re not engaged.”
In the background, I feel Shepard struggling against me but I subdue him easily. He also says something, but I can’t make out his words.
I don’t want to make out the words.
All I want to hear is her voice. All I want to see is her.
So that’s what I do.
Wordlessly.
Frozen.
She swallows, her eyes glistening. “It’s not real. It never was. He was… He was trying to help me. He was trying to provoke you into being with me. He was trying to make you jealous and… It’s not real. He was lying. I was lying. I’ve been lying to you all this time and I know…” She shakes her head, swallowing again. “I know that I shouldn’t have. Not after the last time. Not after how much I hurt you. How much I tormented you and made you suffer. After how petty and immature I was. I… I know I shouldn’t have done it but I did it anyway. And I… I’m sorry, Stellan. I –”