Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 106107 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 531(@200wpm)___ 424(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106107 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 531(@200wpm)___ 424(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
But as much as my eyes scan the waves, searching for any sign of Larimar’s blonde head, I can’t make out much of anything. The lightning reflecting on the water likes to play tricks on you. I keep thinking I see her everywhere, but she never materializes.
Dread claws up my chest, making it hard to breathe.
What will Maren say?
That she couldn’t find Larimar?
Couldn’t rescue her?
That Larimar wouldn’t follow?
That she already died?
That Nill was wrong?
I can’t bear to not know. The seconds it takes for Maren to appear again are pure agony.
And then, Maren does, her face breaking through the surface and grabbing for the rope.
“Pull us up!” she yells.
“Us?” I can’t help but shout, hope at the brink.
The men start pulling the ropes back, hauling Maren out of the water. Her red dress is little more than a few strands of clothing wrapped around her chest and torso, barely covering her bottom as her tail starts to transform into legs before my eyes, legs that wrap around the rope.
My gaze then goes to the waves below, to the shark fin swimming beside the ship. It disappears, tail smacking the water as if Nill is diving down. I’m holding my breath, saying as many internal prayers as my soul can muster, not expecting an answer this time but asking for one just the same.
Then, I see a hand reach out from the surf.
Grab the rope.
And then, the rest of Larimar appears.
I feel I might have a heart attack on the spot.
She looks as beautiful as I remember but much thinner, and not agreeably so—dark half-moons sit under her eyes, gaunt hollows on her face. Her breasts are smaller too. My gut churns, wondering what happened to her.
Was it me?
Was this all because of me?
Then, she looks up and meets my eyes.
Looks directly at me.
And she doesn’t look surprised to see me at all.
Her gaze is blank, but there’s a fluttering in her jaw, as if she’s grinding her teeth together.
I realize that, for all the scenarios I imagined, I didn’t account for this one.
The one in which Larimar is alive.
The one in which she hates me.
Because how could she not?
She might have stayed my obsession.
But I was her desecrater.
She was my angel.
And I was nothing more than the Devil.
She gave me life.
And I left her to bleed.
All of that I see in just one look.
And then it’s gone as she’s hauled up the rest of the way and brought on deck with Maren, her focus everywhere else but me.
Ramsay is already at Maren’s side, and everyone else has crowded around, tending to the two Syrens. It takes all my strength to stay back, to not rush over to Larimar, though I don’t know what I’d do or what I’d say.
You don’t seem that elated. Abe’s voice slides into my head as he walks over to me.
Turns out, it’s complicated, I mutter.
Remember to breathe, he says. You’re tugging at your ear.
So I am.
I bring my hand down to my side, but my fingers dig into my palms instead as I make a fist.
What is the likelihood that your beast will make an appearance tonight? he says to me.
It won’t.
You didn’t really think this through, did you? he goes on, pointing out the obvious.
I glare at him. Is this supposed to be helping me?
The doctor gives me a kind smile. I just want you to think things through now, while you can. Before you have a reaction.
I already am having a reaction.
No, he says. A reaction that could change our relationship with everyone on this ship. A reaction that could get us ostracized. A reaction that could put everyone’s lives at risk. A reaction in which you end up breaking your own heart again.
I want to snap at my friend, to tell him he knows nothing about heartbreak, but I don’t.
Because he’s right.
The last few weeks on the Nightwind have been some of the most enjoyable I’ve had in a long time, and I’m sure Abe has felt similar. Even with the hunt for Larimar in the back of my head, I was able to set it aside from time to time to focus on the journey, on the crew, on the camaraderie of being amongst like-minded creatures. The day-to-day tasks in keeping the Nightwind in tip-top shape have done wonders for my soul, more than preaching the gospel every Sunday ever did. As a priest, I was always struggling with my relationship with God, but here, I realized my relationship with men and Vampyres was the real challenge. It’s one thing to think God has forsaken you because of the monster you became, but it’s another when you think humanity has.
In the end, I was tired of being alone, of feeling alone. I think everyone gets that way eventually. The need for connection, no matter how hard we try to deny it, is more important than our need for salvation.