Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 76696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
“She’s not my guinea pig. Your sister and I discussed this. We both want to try it.”
Brian shook his head. “Damn it! Why couldn’t you have listened to me?” Suddenly he didn’t look angry anymore. He sank down on the armrest of the sofa.
I put a hand on his shoulder but he shook it off. “Listen, man, I’d never do anything that would hurt your sister. I really care about her,” I said, trying to be the voice of reason.
“Maybe not on purpose, Zach. But you are a womanizer. I doubt you can keep your dick in your pants for more than a couple of weeks.”
I clenched my fists. “Amber and I will make this work. Will you help me not messing up or will you stand by and keep glowering at me like I’m the second coming of Satan?”
Brian stood. He was a few inches shorter than me but somehow he managed to get us nose to nose. “For some reason, Amber wants to give you a chance. I haven’t seen her this happy since those bastards raped her. I won’t try to interfere because Amber would be angry if I did, but if you mess this up, if you hurt her, if you break her heart, our friendship is over. I’ll move out and never talk to you again, so you’d better not fuck up. Understood?”
I felt a twinge of worry. A lot was on the line. I could lose not only Amber but also Brian if I messed up. And so far my life had been a series of mess-ups. “Understood,” I said simply.
Amber
Reagan and I stepped into the kitchen, and she sat down at the table but I stayed close to the door to listen to Brian and Zach’s conversation. If they started shouting, I’d have to get between them. “So you and Zach went on a date?”
I’d sent Reagan a text earlier. I nodded.
“Tell me everything.” She pulled out the chair beside her. “And please sit down. Your brother isn’t going to kill Zach.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Zach’s got about 50 pounds of muscle on your brother. There’s no way in hell Brian could beat Zach in a fight.”
“Is that supposed to calm me?”
Reagan patted the chair and I plopped into it. “So how was it?”
“It was nice.”
“Nice? Did you kiss?”
“Yeah, but…” My cheeks flamed. “Not really, you know?”
“So no tongue?”
I wished I could be as open about these things as Reagan. “I wanted to, but I was worried it would be too much. Or that Zach would want more if we really kissed.”
“Zach knows about your past. He wouldn’t think you’d be ready to get down and dirty because you French-kissed him,” she said. “And you can tell him ‘no’ when something is too much for you. Zach’s got his faults but he would never ever force you to do something you don’t want.”
I’d said ‘no’ three years ago. Had said it countless times. Had begged, cried, pleaded, shouted, whimpered, but that ‘no’ had meant nothing. Zach wasn’t like that. I knew that. Reagan touched my hand. “You have to voice what you want and don’t want. Believe me, Zach won’t mind if you’re open about your desires with him.”
It sounded so easy but even the word desire made me flush with embarrassment. “I don’t even know what I want.”
“You’ll find out together. If there’s one good thing about Zach’s experience, it is that he’s probably good at pleasing women.”
“Oh God.” I buried my face in my palms. “I don’t even know if I can feel something like that. Maybe what happened has made me numb.”
Reagan searched my face. “You worry that you can’t feel pleasure.” I gave a small nod. “Have you never tried to touch yourself?”
My skin felt so hot, it was a miracle that I hadn’t combusted yet. “No.”
“Why?”
I gave her a look. “Because after what happened, I couldn’t even think about anything like that without reliving everything.”
“And now?”
“I feel attracted to Zach.” I paused. “I want to kiss him.”
She grinned. “So when you see Zach’s muscled body, you do feel something?”
I definitely felt something whenever I saw Zach. “Yeah, I guess. It’s complicated. I don’t know what to do.”
“You have to be in control, Amber. Be the one to make the first step. Take matters in your own hands. Show Zach what you want. He’s probably as unsure and confused as you are. He needs your guidance.”
“Right. You said it yourself, he’s experienced and I’m not.”
“That’s got nothing to do with it. He’s never been with a girl like you. His usual women drop their panties at a smile from him. They most definitely weren’t virgins.”
Tears sprang into my eyes. “I’m not a virgin,” I whispered harshly.
“Yes, you are,” Reagan half-growled. “What those three assholes did to you was against your will. You never slept with a guy. You were violated. That doesn’t count.” She blinked rapidly.
I drew in a deep breath through my nose, forcing the tears back. I wasn’t going to cry. I’d shed too many tears over what happened. “It doesn’t feel like it.”
“When, if you ever decide to sleep with Zach or someone else, you’ll see what I mean.”
“I don’t know if I can ever sleep with Zach.”
“One step at a time. Just remember to take control.”
“Okay,” I said. Take control, was that even something I could do? Three years ago control was ripped from my hands and since then I’d never managed to reclaim it. Maybe Reagan was right. Maybe I needed to finally get it back. And what better way to do it than with Zach? He wouldn’t hurt me.
The door swung open, and Zach entered. His eyes darted between Reagan and me, and familiar warmth settled in my stomach. “Everything okay?”
I smiled. “Yes.” I tried to look past him. “Where’s Brian?”
“In his room.”
“Is he okay with…us?”
“As okay as he can be.” Zach took a carton of orange juice from the fridge and took a big gulp.
“Pig,” Reagan said. “You could use a glass.”
Zach winked at me. “Amber doesn’t mind.”