Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 76696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
I let her closeness and words comfort me, though I couldn't believe what she'd said. I wanted to believe her but it seemed impossible. Feeling dirty had become a part of my life. “I'm sorry for crying all over you again,” I apologized as I pulled back and wiped the tears from my face.
Reagan shook her head vehemently. “Everyone needs a good cry now and then.” She paused, resolution filling her eyes. “And now we need to find a solution for you and Zach.”
“Reagan...” I said.
She tilted her head. “You said that you wanted to be close to someone, that you wanted something like Kevin and I have. Maybe Zach can give you that. Maybe it's meant to be. I've got a good feeling about the two of you.”
I bit my lip, gazing at her anxiously. “Reagan, how could I ever be so close to someone? I don't even let people hug me or touch me. Guys want to be able to touch their girlfriends.”
It felt surreal to even speak about the possibility of me ever becoming Zach's girlfriend, or becoming anyone’s girlfriend. Love and falling in love had always seemed out of my reach but during my talk with Reagan I'd realized that it had happened to me. I was on the fast track of falling in love with Zach.
“Amber first of all, you haven't said the truth.”
I frowned.
“You hug people. Me for example.”
“Reagan, you're not a man.”
“There isn’t that much of a difference.”
“There is for me,” I whispered.
“If you can hug me, you can hug others, too,” she said in a firm tone. I didn’t object because somehow her words seemed logical and they gave me hope.
“And,” she continued with a small, knowing smile. “You let men touch you. Zach, for example. Or have you forgotten how he touched your cheek yesterday?”
How could I forget? The memory seemed burnt into my head. The look on my face must have pleased Reagan immensely because she smiled.
“But I can't expect Zach to be satisfied with touching my cheek for all eternity. He's going to want more and I don't think I can give him that.” The smile slipped from my face as the hard truth of my words set in.
Reagan shook her head. “Before you came here you thought you'd never let someone hug you or a man touch you, and see what you've already accomplished in such a short time. It will take time, Amber, but you will be able to allow more closeness. You just need to take one little step after the other.”
Maybe she was right. Maybe I could do it. “I don't even know if Zach likes me. He could just be nice to me because Brian is his best friend.”
“He likes you, Amber. I'm sure of it and Kevin agrees,” Reagan said.
“You talked with Kevin about me and Zach?” I asked a little embarrassed.
“No, Kevin mentioned that he noticed how Zach looked at you and how he talked about you. It's really obvious that he likes you very much.”
“But why hasn’t Zach said anything to me?”
Reagan let out a small laugh. “He's probably worried about your reaction and that you don't feel the same way.”
I worried my lower lip, lost in my thoughts. The situation was probably as difficult for Zach as it was for me. If he had feelings for me – and that was a big if in my mind – he had to be worried that I'd freak out if he told me. I certainly wouldn't tell him about my feelings until I was sure he actually returned them.
Reagan smacked the tabletop. “I have a wonderful idea. Let’s go out together. You, Zach, Kevin and I.”
“Don’t you think Zach will think it’s a double date?”
“So what? Don’t you want to know if he’s interested in you?”
I didn’t say anything. What if the answer was no, he wasn’t interested in me?
Reagan must have guessed my thoughts. “He does like you, Amber. Trust me.”
Zachary
Brian and I headed toward the parking lot of BU.
“Someone's waiting for you,” Brian said snidely.
I followed his gaze and groaned. Brittany was leaning against her red Mercedes and was waiting for me with a seductive smile on her face. Since our encounter in the club, we hadn't spoken. I'd assumed that she was still angry at me because I hadn't taken her home with me after our fuck but apparently she'd forgiven me by now.
“Could you wait for me?” I asked Brian when he turned to walk toward his car. He raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure? Brittany seems to plan on taking you somewhere.”
“I'm sure, Brian.”
He nodded. I went to talk to Brittany. She straightened and smirked. The skinny jeans, tight top and leather jacket was nothing in comparison to what she wore at parties but as usual she drew quite a bit of attention toward her. Many of the boys in the parking lot looked like they were sporting a hard-on simply from looking at her body. I stopped in front of her and she threw her arms around my neck before she pressed a kiss on my lips. I grabbed her arms and pried them off, taking a step back. She narrowed her eyes at me. “What are you doing?” she demanded, her red-painted lips pulled in a tight line.
“Whatever there is between us is over, Brittany,” I told her. As long as I wasn’t sure about my feelings for Amber, I couldn't keep seeing Brittany. I needed to sort out the mess that was my emotions. I could practically see my father rolling his eyes at me. Emotions weren’t something he approved of.
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“It means that we won't see each other anymore,” I said calmly.
Brittany looked as if she wanted nothing more than to slap my face. Maybe I deserved it, but we’d never been exclusive. It wasn’t as if this was a break up. She lifted her chin, glowering at me. “We'll see about that, Zach,” she said icily. She got into her car and drove off. She’d probably tell her father who would then call my father who would then call me.