Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 49826 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 249(@200wpm)___ 199(@250wpm)___ 166(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 49826 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 249(@200wpm)___ 199(@250wpm)___ 166(@300wpm)
The pain eased beneath her tender touch, but guilt lingered. I owed her so much, there was so much to make up for, and if it took her ten years to forgive me, I’d take it as long as she never left me again. I never want to feel that fear, that instinctual panic that had been set off when I realized she was gone.
My natural instinct fought with what I once saw as weakness. It’s not in me to lay myself bare for anyone, to give anyone so much of myself that they could hurt me. But with her, it didn’t seem as though I had the option, there was no way to keep her out, and I realized that I didn’t need one, not with her.
I knew, was sure now, that I could get those words of forgiveness out of her with ease, but I didn’t want to do it that way. I didn’t want to overpower her, to use the love I know she bears me against her to get what I wanted. Something else that’s new to me. I’ve never shied away from going full bore, from bulldozing my way through anything to get what I wanted. But for her, it didn’t feel like that much of a sacrifice to make.
ELLIE
I did everything in my power not to answer, not to give in too easily to the promises I saw in his eyes. Some instinct warned me that if I did that, it would set a precedent for the rest of our dealings with each other. So, though it went against my nature and was killing me inside, I didn’t forgive him right away, though I wanted to give him the words I knew he wanted to hear.
I wasn’t really angry, not anymore, because he was here, and him being here eased the horrible ache of loss I’d already started to feel when I ran and because he’d said those words. But I couldn’t show what I truly felt, not yet. I have nothing else with which to fight him, nothing but my own paltry resistance. It was the only way to protect myself.
I was too afraid to let myself believe in what his eyes were telling me, what my heart hungered for. Still, my heart beat like butterfly wings against my chest, and there was new hope mixed with old fear. There was still so much left undone between us, so much that still needed to be said. From his words, I’m guessing Mrs. Horton had been to see him, or he’d figured it out on his own.
Either way, I’m not holding my breath that Nick is so accepting of the strangeness of it all. I might still have to prove myself to him, especially if there’s a baby. How will I get him to believe that it’s his? That I haven’t been with anyone else? Since he already holds such distrust for me.
I couldn’t help the fresh tears that started to fall and greedily held onto him, hoping it wasn’t the last time. When he started to move inside me, I made myself remember the feel of him, his length and girth, as he eased in and out of me with none of the wildness from before.
Even the way he touched me made the tears flow freely down my cheeks, and my heart clenched each time he kissed them away. There was a sweet ache not just between my thighs but around my heart at the way he was being with me now, with such loving care in every touch, and I wanted that forever.
I wanted to share this with him for the rest of my life. That tender look, his loving touch, I wanted it all with him. And even though I wasn’t ready to give him the words, there was no way to hold back my body’s response, no way to hide what he was doing to me.
I knew the second he realized it, saw the look of triumph in his eyes, and felt the change in the way he touched me now. His whispered words of love and apology filled my heart to overflowing, and I let myself accept all of him as we moved together. My breath got caught in my lungs when he moved his hand between us to gently cup my tummy. “Is there a baby Ellie?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t form. Now that the question was out there, it felt too soon. It was getting harder and harder to separate this world from the next, reality from what we share in the darkness of night. In the end, I went with the safest thing, “I think so.” His reaction was not what I expected, not what I’d been prepared for.
Now it was me who reached up to cup his cheek as his eyes filled before he closed them to hide his emotions from me. But the way he wrapped his arms around me, gentle yet tight, the way he rolled to his back, taking me with him, his hand holding my head protectively, was more than enough to erase that one fear.