No Romeo (My Kind of Hero #1) Read Online Donna Alam

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Billionaire, Chick Lit, Contemporary, Funny Tags Authors: Series: My Kind of Hero Series by Donna Alam
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Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 142801 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
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“Sweetheart, you’ve got this all wrong.”

“I have?” I hold the paper in front of me. “So, when you said you ‘couldn’t wait to get your mouth on Jen’s pussy,’ you were talking about her cat?”

“Give me those.” He grunts as he reaches for the papers.

Oh, hell no. I snatch them away. “Do you think Jen’s cat would be into—oh, wait. Jen only has a dog. I guess she has two now.”

I step backward into the aisle, thankful I didn’t choose a dress with a train. Dropping the first printout, I glide between our guests, who are silent and gawping in their jaunty hats and pastel dresses. Is it weird how I’m only just noticing they’re mostly Mitchell’s friends?

“‘I can’t wait to give you my rock-hard eight inches,’” I announce, flicking the next sheet away. “I hope one of you thought to gift that man a new ruler. Whatever he’s using right now is lying to him.”

Someone snickers. Another barks out a laugh. At the end of the aisle, I swing around to face my lead-footed groom, delivering my finale with, I like to think, aplomb. If my mother was here, she’d probably have a coronary.

“This one’s a doozy . . . ‘Next time I see you, I’m gonna suck your brains out from your dick.’” I press a pondering finger to my chin. “I do wonder if Jen achieved her aim. Your brains have obviously migrated to your balls, so that’s like, what?” Holding my finger and thumb a little apart, I add, “Four inches to travel, give or take?” Done, I throw the rest of the printouts up into the air.

I see the moment that this all sinks in—the moment Mitch realizes this isn’t a bad dream. The color that drained from his face moments ago comes rushing back with a vengeance. My heart leaps in my chest as, through the flutter of oversize confetti, he begins to move, sidestepping those who’d stop him.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am done with this man. Done with this wedding. But please help yourself to the champagne being served in the anteroom. Raise your glasses to close calls and anonymous text messages.” I swing around and tug the door open, my heels ringing against the marble floor as I brush past a server and his silver tray.

Mitchell bellows my name, and a burst of adrenaline courses through my veins.

“Not today, whorey Satan,” I mutter as I pick up my pace, caterers rocking like pins as I bowl past them.

Dammit, I was looking forward to those Thai-spiced prawn canapés.

The sun is almost blinding as I explode from the town hall’s Victorian front doors and almost roll my ankle as I slip on the steps I’d imagined having beautiful wedding photos taken on. I tug off $600 worth of Jimmy Choos, regretfully pitching them behind me.

“Evie, come back!” Mitch yells as the doors bang open a moment later.

I don’t spare him the breath of an answer as I gather the front of my froufrou dress and burst into a barefoot sprint.

“Please, let me explain!”

Not on your life. And his life is right. I’m not running away because I’m afraid of him. It’s more like I’m afraid of what I might do to him. There is no rationalizing this. It’s just a choice between undignified behavior and homicide, and he’s not worth going to jail over.

Where the hell is the car? The wedding venue is on a busy intersection in a no-parking zone. Not that a 1928 Daimler would make any kind of high-speed getaway.

“Evelyn!” Mitchell bellows with a change of tone. “Get back here—we need to talk about this!”

Where is a bus when you need one?

I scan the two lanes of traffic, the lights up ahead set to red. Without a second thought, I slide between two stationary cars and edge my way along the row of vehicles.

“Look, Mummy, a princess!” squeals a little girl from the open window of a car.

“Oy! Cinders! Did your carriage turn back into a pumpkin?” A burst of deep laughter sounds from a nearby van, but flipping them off would be unprincessly. No need to ruin everyone’s day.

When the asshole shouts my name again, I panic and stumble, catching myself on the door handle of a car. I barely register my reflection in the darkened window as I pull myself upright, but I do register the door isn’t locked. I don’t know which of us is more surprised when I tug it open.

“What the—”

“Please help me,” I plead, channeling my best damsel in distress as I throw myself across the back seat, only to realize the man I’m looking at isn’t a driver. He’s the driver. And the man whose lap I’ve literally just thrown myself into?

Well, hot damn.

Chapter 2

EVIE

I find myself staring into the most striking eyes I have ever seen. They’re too vivid to be blue—that they seem violet can only be a trick of the light. Or maybe it’s the frame of the thickest, sootiest lashes I’ve ever seen on a man.



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