Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 115590 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 578(@200wpm)___ 462(@250wpm)___ 385(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115590 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 578(@200wpm)___ 462(@250wpm)___ 385(@300wpm)
“Dammit!” Hendrix shook his shirt out in the living room, kicking a toe over his haul of stolen ornaments. “I lost Frosty the Snowman.”
“That’s what you get for stealing shit,” I said.
“Like you don’t!” He snatched up one of the ornaments and hung it on the tree. There was no arguing with him, and even if there were, Chase’s words kept playing on a loop in my head. I did love Monroe. More than I had ever loved myself. And what the hell was I supposed to do with that?
I watched him hang a few more decorations before I went to my room and grabbed my sketchbook. I didn’t think. Just let the pencils form lines and shapes over the paper. Purples and blacks. Bright reds and greens. My fingers cramped by the time my bedroom door creaked open.
“Just so you know,” Monroe’s arms came around me, her lips pressing to my neck, “that is the worst Christmas tree I’ve ever seen.”
My chest ached; she deserved so much better than this. Screw Chase for making me see that. “Yeah.” I inhaled a breath, trying to push away the notion that we weren’t meant to be with each other. “Hendrix stole it. And the ornaments.”
“Of course he did.” Her lips touched my neck again. “What are you drawing?”
“Don’t know.” I stared down at the mess of shapes and colors, then moved the chair back from the desk.
A few weeks ago, I thought she was pregnant. Because she could have been. I had been that stupid and careless, screwing her without a rubber. Out of all the girls, Monroe was the only girl I had done that with. Because I trusted her, loved her, and wasn’t that fucked up? The one girl I loved, that had a future—I could have totally ruined because I couldn’t be bothered with a condom. Because it felt too good and I trusted her. Worst of all, though, she had trusted me.
I grabbed her hips, staring at the stained carpet under my feet. “What would you have done? If you’d been pregnant?”
“Uh, there was never a moment where I thought I was.”
“Roe.” My grip on her tightened. “We both know you could have been. What would you have done?”
“I don’t know. Figured it out, I guess.”
“What about school?”
“I haven’t thought about it. Because it didn’t happen.” She touched my cheek, her eyes searching mine when my gaze lifted to hers. “But, we would have figured it out.”
And screwed up her life. Just like my mom had.
Monroe made her way to my bed, stripping out of her skirt before she laid down and snagged the half-smoked joint from the ashtray on the nightstand. “Wanna smoke?”
Had I messed her up there too? I pushed up from the chair, crossed the room, and took the joint from her, dropping it into a soda can. “You always smoked weed?” I caged her in my arms, kissing her while gliding my hand along the curve of her waist.
“Occasionally.”
“Occasionally…” I pushed her shirt up, biting the top of her tit.
Her breath caught, her thighs parting before she pulled me between them. “It’s only a habit if you pay for it.”
But that was so far from the truth. God, I was screwing her up, and I knew it, but I fought through that knowledge and pressed my lips to hers. Hard. Desperate. Because I had never had anything like Monroe before, and I knew I never would again.
“I love you,” I whispered, unhooking her bra. “So damn much.” Enough that I couldn’t let her fuck everything up just for me.
My hands roamed over her thigh to her hip. I took the side of her thong, and she helped me pull them off by wiggling her legs. After they hit the floor, I grabbed her face. “You know that, right?” Then I planted another hard kiss to her lips. “I love you more than anything.”
“I know.” She touched her forehead to mine. “I love you too, Zepp.”
The next morning, the noise of the shower echoed down the hall. I opened my drawer to take out the little blue box. The ring sat in the middle of the velvet, sparkling against the Wal-E-Mart logo in the background. I could get down on a knee and give this to her, and I knew she would say yes. She’d put that damn ring on her finger and smile and think her life was grand when all I was doing was taking a huge shit on every aspiration she ever had.
That’s what love did.
It made people blind. It made people do stupid things. Like stay in Dayton…
40
Monroe
The last week had felt like nothing but a battle between Zepp and me. The love hazed bliss of only weeks before felt like a distant memory, and I couldn’t pinpoint the moment when it changed or why. There were moments when he looked at me like I was his entire world, and others where he felt so far away that it was as though he wasn’t even in the same room.