Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 146417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 146417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
“I don’t want you.” The words came out awfully breathy, even to her own ears. And they were a lie. She already wanted him again. She might have spent the last few years tricking herself into the belief that he had no more power over her, but he’d so recently proven he could upend her whole world with his mere presence.
His hand came up and flattened against the wall next to her head. He gazed down at her. “Who said anything about wanting me?”
Frustration welled, and it was all with herself. “I meant I don’t want you around.”
“That’s not what you said. You said you didn’t want me, and as we’re two people who created a whole other human being because we wanted each other so much, I think that’s exactly what those words meant. I also think you’re lying.”
“You always think I’m lying.”
“I’m sorry I did that to you. Although, again, you were lying about some very important things. But I know you’re lying about this. Do you know how I know? Because I pushed you away all those years for the very same reasons.”
“You pushed me away because you were an asshole, and I should have listened to you. You didn’t want me. You didn’t want us. I was wrong, Beck.”
“No. You weren’t wrong. I pushed you because if I’d let you close even once, we would have more than one kid now. What do you say, Kim? You want to give it another go? Roman might like a little brother. We’ll make sure he’s not an asshole like mine.”
The idea of having another baby with Beck…she pushed at his chest. “Yeah, that’s happening. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re not exactly young anymore.”
“All I’ve noticed is how gorgeous you are.” He moved back, giving her the space she’d demanded. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed your face, your body? How lonely I’ve been without you?”
She hadn’t even thought about it. The day before had been so hectic, and then she’d been weary. It was the only reason she’d let him climb into bed with her. It had nothing to do with the fact that she’d felt safe for the first time in seven years. But she hadn’t asked him about the life he’d left behind when he’d come after her. “Somehow I doubt you’ve been lonely. If you’re working in Dallas, I suspect you spend your nights at Sanctum.”
A brow rose over his eyes. “Is that what you’re worried about? That I’ve been sleeping around?”
“I don’t care.”
“I haven’t had sex with anyone but my own trusty hand since the last time I saw you.” He carefully enunciated each word, as though he wanted to make her believe them.
“Bullshit.”
“No. I didn’t want anyone except you. You. And honestly, the sex I had between our divorce and that night in Paris was more about trying to push you away than it was finding pleasure or happiness. I kept every relationship physical, and there weren’t all that many. Three women. One of them was a one-night stand. The other two were friends with benefits that ended when they found a man they could build a future with. My future was always with you. But it is plain to me you’re not ready to talk about this. So what will work?”
“Nothing.” She was reeling. He wasn’t one to lie to her. He almost always gave her the truth, even when it hurt like hell. “Nothing is going to work. You’re right. I can’t help but want you, but it’s habit. It’s a longing for something we never really had. An illusion.”
“Our son is not an illusion,” Beck said softly. “His life is at stake, too. Do you believe he’ll be safer in Malta?”
She hesitated because she didn’t like the honest answer to that question. “I don’t want to come with you.”
“Ah, so you need me to be the bad guy.” He chuckled, but it wasn’t an amused sound. “Somewhere in Texas Levi Green is playing out this whole scene in his head because it’s exactly what he wants. To break us up and make you vulnerable. He’s counting on me not being willing to force your hand. He thinks by giving you options you’ll choose the wrong one and we’ll fight. It’s what we always do. All right, then. I’ll give him a fight.”
She didn’t like the sound of that. “Or you could leave him alone and hope this is all over.”
He was right back to predatory. His eyes narrowed, but in a way that made her heart rate tick up.
Had he really not had sex for seven years? Somehow when she’d thought about him, she’d seen him with other women, known that he wouldn’t be alone for long. How hungry would he be now?
He was probably starving. Just like her.