Total pages in book: 119
Estimated words: 113837 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 569(@200wpm)___ 455(@250wpm)___ 379(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 113837 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 569(@200wpm)___ 455(@250wpm)___ 379(@300wpm)
“You have a kid?”
“Yeah. She won’t let me see him though.”
An old engine rattled into his drive, blasting its horn. Spencer, the singer of his band, leaned through the lowered window and shouted that they needed to leave.
Nash pushed up. “I wished I’d told her to go. At least she wouldn’t hate me…And I could see my kid, maybe.” Then he skirted around the side of his house, leaving me alone in his yard with a very real fear. The last thing I wanted was for Drew to resent me.
* * *
I was in bed that night when she came in from her shift at the mall, scrolling my phone, comparing pictures of Cornell to Alabama State while wondering how in the hell she wasn’t going to hate me if she stayed.
“Hey,” she said, kicking off her tennis shoes.
“How was work?”
“Good. How was...business?”
“Shit.”
She changed out of her clothes, pulling on one of my t-shirts, then crawled into bed beside me. This had become so normal--her here, with me. It had only been a matter of weeks, but every thought I had about my future revolved around her.
I’d stay with her no matter what. But if she ended up resenting me...
Her lips went to my neck. “Pretty sure I can improve your day.” She trailed her fingers down my stomach, beneath the waist of my boxers, but I stopped her hand from dipping any lower. We couldn't keep going like this, or at least, I couldn’t.
The bed creaked when she shifted onto her elbow to stare at me through the dark. “What’s wrong?”
“You can’t just stay here because of me.”
On a sigh, she rolled to her back. “I don’t want to talk about this again.”
“I don’t give a shit.”
“God, why does it matter? I’m studying philosophy, Bellamy. It’s not even a real degree. Cornell, Alabama….makes no difference aside from a piece of slightly more pretentious paper.”
“That’s not the point. How long have you wanted to go to Cornell, Drew?”
The hum of a motorcycle roared by outside, shaking the window. “That was before.”
Before me. I bite back a sarcastic laugh. Because before me, the only lifestyle she’d known was filled with trips to Saint Tropez and Barbie pink Porsches, and expectations of Ivy League. And she acted like that could all be disregarded.
“How long, Drew?”
“I don’t know. Years.”
“And how long have you wanted to go to Alabama State?”
“You want me to go to New York? Is that it?” An edge of hurt laced her voice. “Because if you don’t want me around, just say it, Bellamy.”
“Jesus Christ. That’s not it…” I wanted her to stay for me, and I wanted her to go for her. And I couldn't have both. “I didn’t get into Alabama State.” I turned on the pillow to face her.
All I had to give her was love, but love didn’t pay bills. It didn’t buy a house or put food on the table. And the thing she couldn’t possibly realize was how hard it is to come by money.
Love was easy. Money was hard.
“I’m sorry.” She placed her hand on my cheek, stroking her thumb along my jaw. “You deserved to get in,” she whispered.
“You need to go to Cornell. Don’t just stay here because of me.”
The bed shifted, and she sat up, raking both hands into her hair. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because you have no idea what you’re doing--”
“I know what I’m doing. Evidently, you don’t though.”
I sat up that time. If she had any idea the mental torture I’d put myself through trying to sort through this shit. Trying to put her first instead of myself. Trying to make sure she was doing what was best for her without giving a damn about my own dumbass heart.
“Oh, you know? Do you know what it’s like to be poor, Drew? Do you know what it’s like to have to choose between power or water? Do you know what it’s like to count pennies for gas? Because that--That is what you’re choosing over yachts and trips and a massive house.”
Her fist thumped my chest. “I’m choosing you!”
“And I’m choosing you, too.” Because this sure as hell wasn’t me choosing me. She was willing to sacrifice everything for me, and this is where I sacrificed for her.
“Go to Cornell, Drew.”
Her jaw set. Nostrils flared. “I’m going to freaking Alabama.”
“God, you are so stubborn!” I pushed off the bed, pacing the length of my small room. “And what happens if we don’t work out?” I stopped to stare at her, and it looked like I’d just shot her with a poison-laced dart. “You gonna regret your decision then?” I asked.
“Why would you say that? You think we should break up?” She pushed to her knees. “If you want me to go, just say it!”
“Answer my question. If we don’t work out, are you going to regret staying here?”