Total pages in book: 154
Estimated words: 142664 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 713(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 142664 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 713(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Now Corbin is convinced she’s nuts and wants to give the video to the divorce attorney he plans to meet with when we get back home first thing. Maybe this will make things easier because my libido after menopause is like a teenager in heat, and I don’t know how much longer I can wait. Twenty years is a long time to go without dick.
CORBIN
My life is a soap opera, and I’m the producer, director, and orchestrator of it all. I have no one to blame but myself, but I’ve spent the last fifteen years of my life trying to make up for it. I didn’t know when I stepped out on my marriage that my life would be derailed to such an extent.
The guilt and hate I felt for myself after the dust settled has only just begun to go away, but I doubt it will ever be completely gone. Each day, I have to live with the fact that I failed at the one thing at which I should’ve excelled, my family.
When I chose to get married and have kids, I should’ve made them my first priority in all things, but instead, I let my physical needs take over my morals, and now I’ve fucked myself royally.
For that one lapse in judgment, I have paid and paid dearly. I guess it’s a good thing, though, because my wife, the real one, has made me pay for that one mistake in ways that lesser men would’ve balked at, and now I feel like a man I can be proud of. I’ve realized things about myself that would’ve gone unnoticed had my life not taken the many twists and turns it has.
I’m going on fifteen years without physical contact, twenty-three if you count the eight years my wife rejected me, minus the slip-up with Helen; damn, has it been that long? You never know what someone is living from the outside looking in, but my life has been a rollercoaster since the day I made that mistake.
I didn’t understand what Gigi was going through back then; in fact, it took years for me to get over feeling rejected. Now that I know what I saw as rejection was her own personal hell, that shit only makes me feel worse. I wasn’t there for her, didn’t think about her or the kids.
It was selfish and immoral, but you couldn’t tell me that back then. It was only after the divorce that the enormity of what I had done finally set in, and by then, it was too late. When I first told my wife about the cheating, I was ready and willing to do whatever it took to make things work if she forgave me.
But Helen had other ideas. When I told her that Gigi and I were going to work on our marriage, the sweet, biddable woman who had become my friend and an ear to listen turned into a veritable demon right in front of my eyes.
She threatened my career, which I knew would’ve made things even worse. I had four kids to put through college and a home to keep along with everything else in life. But it wasn’t just that; it was the threats against my wife and kids that made me give in in the end.
I found myself in the most fucked up situation, and had it not been for my sons, things would’ve been much worst. Helen seemed to have a hatred for Gigi and Alyssa that, to this day, I don’t understand, but she never bothered too much with the boys. Maybe because my older two had put the fear of hell in her.
I never wanted my daughter near her, but she never knew why. My poor girl thought her Daddy didn’t love her anymore, but she had no idea that if I had shown her the love I feel for her, that crazy bitch would’ve made her life a living hell. It made me wonder how many men on their second marriage were really there willingly.
That shit messed with my head for a long time, and I could see no way out. I had already lost everything, but living with the hate and self-loathing didn’t help either. I missed my family every single day, and it was only thanks to my extended family that I got to be a part of their milestones without interference from Helen, who became my warden.
Because my family rejected her, there was no way for her to intrude during those times, and since I had already given in and married her, I refused to let her take anything else from me. Though she made me pay each time I spent time with my family away from her, I was willing to put up with it because I deserved everything she did to me.