Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 68390 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 342(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68390 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 342(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
Maybe I’m grasping at straws here. Maybe it’s just because I know I’m not good enough for her. I’m never going to be good enough for her. She’s great, and above all, she needs someone who knows what it takes to be a family. I have no idea when it comes to that. I’m not the piece in her puzzle that’s missing. That person, whoever he is, is still out there.
Is it wrong that I want to find him and make him eat hot peppers until he cries?
Yeah, that’s messed up. I don’t really want to make anyone cry. I don’t. Not even this nebulous, out there, still imaginary at this moment person.
“It does,” I utter. My thumb traces a circle over the back of her hand. Her skin is so soft and silky. “It did. It’s always going to mean something. I think we’re just not…there’s too much…there’s a hundred reasons…I’m not…I just can’t stay, Weland. Not now. Not ever. Not with work. Not with my business. I have to leave now, and I’ll always have to keep leaving. You deserve someone who wants to make a life with you. Right here. I know you’d never want to leave your family. I’m on the road an awful lot, and my business and life are in Nashville.”
Her eyebrows cross, and she looks at me like she’d enjoy tearing off my balls, dipping them in chocolate, and feeding them to me.
She jerks her hand back. “That’s the biggest cop-out I’ve ever heard. If you have to go and take care of things, that makes sense. If you’re scared, that makes sense. If you just don’t like me, that makes sense too. But what you just said…it sounds like a load of bull.”
“Weland…” I sigh.
“Straight up bull.”
“It’s not. Think about it. Do you want someone who is in your life for only a few days a month? A few weeks a year in total? Would you leave here, leave your family, and only be in their lives for a few days a month or a few weeks a year?”
Her frown darkens. If it was an evening frown, it’s not a full-on night frown, and the not-so-friendly night bugs are coming out.
“So why were we even trying to make this work then if that was a concern? If it did work, were you going to give it up? What was going to happen? You knew I loved my family.”
“I didn’t realize how much. I don’t…I wasn’t thinking that far ahead. I was just trying to see if we were even compatible. I didn’t come here trying to seduce you. That wasn’t even the plan. I thought about it so hard last night. I’m sorry if it seems like I just wanted to play with your body or your feelings. That wasn’t my intention.”
“What if we could meet halfway? What if we traveled a little and stayed here a little? I could write songs for you. Or for whoever wants to sing them. Because I don’t. I don’t ever want to be famous. Those videos I made are the last ones I ever want to make. I don’t need the world to see me. I just want you to see me, Sterling. I think we could make it work if you’re willing.”
I hesitate. She’s tearing me apart and tearing me down, bit by bit. My will to leave starts to waver. “Don’t you want to get on with your life? You’ve been suspended in this marriage for four years.”
“So have you,” she argues. “We don’t have to stay married anymore. We don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to that. I’m not saying we should. I’m telling you that you’re freaking out, and you don’t have to. We could work if we wanted to. I know it.”
“What happened to the you have to set things free in order for them to come back to you idea?”
“Don’t throw dad wisdom back at me,” she says with a grunt. Her arms fold across her chest, and I can see the way her breasts swell under her monster shirt. The happy blue fuzzy monster looks like it’s doing a happy blue fuzzy monster dance. If I were sitting on top of Weland’s breasts, dwelling right by her beating heart and a part of her warm skin, the fabric of me gracing her body, I’d be doing a happy dance as well.
“I think I need to leave. We need to get a divorce, and I need to go. There are things with the new company that I need to make sure are airtight and made right.”
“Well, you’re not under any obligation to stay. That’s not how I want you, and I know it’s not how you want me. You’re trying to do the nice thing and set me free, but what if that’s not what I want? Do I want to stay married the way we’ve been? Absolutely not. Do I want to keep seeing if this could work because it felt good, and I actually like you? Yes. Yes, okay, I do. If you feel the same way, then you can leave. You can go and do the things you need to do, but you can come back. Technically, that’s setting each other free. Technically, it’s you leaving. If that’s what it takes and if the dad advice has to be followed, then on all the technicalities, we’ll be doing what we need to do. Traveling? I want to see the world. Nashville? Sounds like an incredible place. The thing is, I write songs. I make music. And you’re in the business of putting songs out into the world. I think it could be a great thing—us partnering together. For us personally and on the business side of things.”