Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 133224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 666(@200wpm)___ 533(@250wpm)___ 444(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 666(@200wpm)___ 533(@250wpm)___ 444(@300wpm)
“Nope.” She hits the keys with force.
“You’re acting angry.”
“I just . . .” She shrugs before cutting herself off.
“You just what?”
“I just find it fascinating how you always say that Taryn isn’t your type, and then the first time you have too many drinks around her . . . you just . . .”
“I just what?”
“You act like a typical horny dickhead of a man.”
Nailed it.
I drag my hand down my face.
Taryn . . . good god, not Taryn. Anyone but Taryn. What the hell was I thinking?
Seriously . . .
Why can’t I keep it in my fucking pants?
Rebecca
I stare down at Blake. He’s fast asleep on my couch. His hands are up above his head, and his bulging biceps are peeking out of his T-shirt. My eyes linger over his strong body.
No matter how much of a fuckboy Blake is . . . there’s no denying he’s a beautiful man.
My eyes drop lower . . . to the bulge in his crotch.
Virile.
My eyebrows flick up in disgust at myself. It’s official.
I need a man.
If I’m even perving on my friend, who I have absolutely no intent to ever like that way . . . I need a man.
Blake’s words from earlier come back to me. If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always be where you always were.
I blow out a defeated breath. He’s right. I know he’s right.
And yet . . . how do I change what I’ve always done when I’ve only ever been myself?
I pull a blanket over Blake and tuck a pillow under his head. He rolls onto his side and snuggles in as he gets comfortable. I go into the kitchen and take out a notepad and a pen. I need to make sense of all this.
I walk upstairs, lie on my bed on my stomach, and flick the pen around while I think.
Okay . . . so . . .
I think for a while. I can’t work out what I want until I really know who I am.
What am I now?
I begin to list my attributes.
Intelligent
Kind
Soft
Not flirty
Mommish
Sensible
I twist my lips as I think some more.
Predictable
Boring
Yep . . .
The last one’s the killer.
Boring . . .
How the hell did I end up boring?
I was never like this. I was the fun one. I was the spontaneous one. The girl that John wasn’t good enough for. He chased me for years in college before I caved and went out with him.
John was the sensible, boring one, and somehow, as we got older, we switched places. He blossomed into a successful surgeon, and I became the dutiful doctor’s wife who always put his needs before my own.
I stare at my list for a while as the words sink in, and as much as it pains me, I know that every word is true.
I drag myself out of bed and get into the shower. I lean on the tiles under the hot water as a tidal wave of regret washes over me.
Why did I let him change who I was? I guess it was so gradual that I didn’t even realize it was happening.
Always doing the right thing, always putting others’ needs before mine, worrying what people think of me.
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Little Miss Perfect.
The truth is, I wish I could be more like Blake. He sees something that he wants, and he just goes for it without hesitation.
I finish up in the shower, put on my pajamas, and climb into bed. I stare up at the ceiling in the darkness.
They say that everything comes into your life for a season or a reason.
Maybe the reason is that I have to find the girl I once was.
To feel whole again.
So what . . . my marriage failed. Millions of marriages fail every year.
I didn’t fail. He did.
This is on him; I don’t know why I’m feeling guilty and beating myself up about it when he sure isn’t.
Honestly . . . I’m done with this crap.
Tomorrow I start working on trying to get back to the real me.
The old me . . . the fun me, the girl I was before I met him.
If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always be where you always were.
Blake’s right.
I need to be more calculated with my choices going forward. I need to learn how to use my douchedar and see the red flags. I mean . . . this is need-to-know information.
I flick my pen as I think, and I write down the heading of a new list.
A better-way-to-do-things list.
The dos and don’ts of dating
Hmm, where do I start?
Attributes I want in a man
He must be:
Hot
Honest
Kind
Sensitive
Caring
Funny
Romantic
Family-oriented
Red flags—Men to avoid
He can’t be:
A liar
A player
A cheater
Cold
Selfish
Controlling
Mean
Nasty
Heartless
If there’s a god out there, please hear my prayer.
Please let me meet a man who is worthy of my love.