Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 133224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 666(@200wpm)___ 533(@250wpm)___ 444(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 666(@200wpm)___ 533(@250wpm)___ 444(@300wpm)
“What? No!” I scoff. “That’s ridiculous, and you know it.”
“Is it?”
“Yes. It is.”
“A house is not worth selling yourself for, Rebecca . . . unless you have an ulterior motive to stay married to somebody.”
“You don’t understand what it’s like to have nowhere to live,” I cry. “You cannot judge me for wanting to keep my house. You have no idea what it’s like!”
“It’s a fucking house,” he growls as he punches the steering wheel. I jump in fright. “Do not insult my intelligence by telling me you won’t divorce him to keep a pile of bricks and mortar.”
“You honestly don’t get this?”
“What . . . the lie?”
“I’m not lying, Blake.”
“You don’t even know that you’re lying. That’s the joke of it all.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m telling the truth.”
“You want the truth, Rebecca? I’ll give you the truth. You are stuck back in time with your ex-husband. You still have the wounds that he gave you; you wear them like a badge of fucking honor. You are still comparing everybody to him, and as long as you are living in the past . . . we will never have a future.” He bends and picks up a bunch of papers that fell out of my bag off the floor and passes them over to me. “Just go.” He sighs as he bends to pick up another piece of paper. He holds it in his hands for a minute. I glance over to what he’s reading . . .
Oh my fucking god.
I try to snatch it from him, and he holds it out of my reach and begins to read it out loud.
Fifteen years ago today, we went on our first date.
Every happy memory I ever had is with you.
Of you.
“Stop reading,” I cry. “This is stupid . . . this . . . I don’t . . . this is old, it’s . . . I don’t know why it’s in my bag, it’s just . . .”
It’s the card that came with the roses John sent me all those months ago. I didn’t even realize it was still in my bag.
Fuck. Fuck.
He keeps reading.
You were my first love.
My only love, my last love.
Forever your husband,
John
His gaze rises out the window, and he gives a smug smile and passes the card back to me. “Go home to your husband, Rebecca.”
“It’s not what you think. This is months old. I didn’t even keep the flowers,” I stammer in a panic.
“But you didn’t tell me about them either.”
“I didn’t want to upset you.”
“There’s only one deceitful person in this car, and we both know that it’s not me.”
“Blake, please, we have to work through this because I cannot live without you.”
“I cannot live with you,” he whispers.
My eyes well with tears. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying goodbye.”
No . . .
My face screws up. “Don’t say that. I just panicked, and you scared me, and I don’t know why I acted the way I did.”
“You don’t. But I do,” he says calmly.
My eyes search his.
“You’re never going to leave him, Rebecca, and you don’t even realize it.”
“That’s not true. I love you.”
“On some level . . . but not enough.”
“Blake.”
“Get out of my car.”
“Blake, please.” I grab for him. “I take it back. Everything I said, I take it back; I don’t know why it came out like it did. Forgive me.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t, or you won’t?”
“I’ve taken a job in New York.”
“What?” My face falls. “What do you mean?”
“Just what I said. I’ve taken a job in New York.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to see you every day. I don’t want to look at you and know what I almost had. I don’t want to look at you and have my fucking heart broken again and again knowing that you still love him.”
His silhouette blurs.
“We never had a chance, Rebecca. You’re still married to him,” he spits through tears. “You’ll always be his battle-scarred wife.”
Oh . . .
That cut deep.
If he hit me with an axe, it would be less painful.
I sob out loud, and he gets out of the car and slams the door before walking across the parking lot.
Panic sets in. He’s leaving me.
“No. Blake. Don’t go,” I whisper.
My heart hammers in my chest, and unable to control the hurt as it screams through my veins, I sob. “Please don’t go.”
Chapter 24
The cone of silence.
I’ve been here before. The voices are muffled; the thoughts are magnified.
But it’s the regrets that are overwhelming.
I sit in my dark living room, no television, no lights. Just me and my shiny conscience, my constant dark friend.
Blake left three days ago for New York. Sneaked out under the veil of darkness and didn’t even say goodbye to our friends on the street.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
The sound of my clock in the distance echoes, chipping at the bones holding me together. The more time that passes without him, the stronger he gets without me.