Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
“You are feeling it again?” Maddie asked, when I stared down at my wrists. I nodded. Maddie smiled and took hold of my hand. “Happiness, Flame. What you are feeling is true happiness.”
“Happiness,” I rasped, and looked down to Beatrix. “No one will ever hurt you both. I promise.”
“I know,” Maddie responded, putting her hand over my cheek. Beatrix’s hand came up. Maddie pulled her hand back, laughing. “He is my husband, little one. I am allowed to touch him too.” She kissed Beatrix on her forehead, and I thought my heart was gonna fucking burst. Beatrix’s hand came up again.
“What does she want?” I asked Maddie.
“I think she wants to hold your finger,” Maddie said, and my stomach fucking dropped.
Isaiah lifted his hand, almost touching mine. I pulled my hand back. He was still looking at me. “He wants to hold your finger, baby. He wants to meet his big brother.”
“Hold… hold my finger?”
“I can’t,” I said and tucked my hands under my legs. My eyes were still on Isaiah as he held onto my mama’s finger. I wanted to hold his hand too. But I couldn’t hurt him. I couldn’t make him a sinner like me. He was so little. I didn’t want him to be like me…
“Flame?” Maddie’s voice cut through the memory. “Flame…” she whispered. “Come back to me.” I blinked. My vision was blurred. Maddie reached over Beatrix, wiping my eyes and the wetness from my cheeks. “You are okay. You will not hurt her, remember?”
Beatrix made a gurgling sound and I looked down to her. Her tiny hand was in the air again. I swallowed, wanting to let her hold me, to let her hold my finger and say hello… just like Isaiah had wanted to, but I never let him.
“I love you,” Maddie said and lay her head on the pillow. I couldn’t take my eyes off our daughter. When her hand lifted again and her green eyes met mine, I lowered my hand, heart slamming in my chest as I did so. Beatrix’s hand curled around my finger and I felt my throat close up and my eyes fill with water. Beatrix squeezed my finger.
“Hello,” I said, remembering why my mama said Isaiah had wanted to do this. I swallowed and heard Maddie cry.
“They are happy tears,” she assured, leaning over to kiss my lips. Beatrix didn’t let go of my finger. “I am so proud of you, baby. I cannot express how proud of you I am.” That feeling of warmth Maddie called happiness spread over me again. I looked from Maddie to Beatrix and I breathed easily. “Tell me,” Maddie whispered as Beatrix’s eyes began to close with sleep. “Tell me how you feel?”
I lay my head down too, seeing Maddie on the other side of Beatrix, Beatrix holding my finger. I remembered what Maddie had said to me when I woke after the woods. My heartbeat was loud in my ears, but I rasped, “I have found the ones whom my soul loves.”
“Flame,” Maddie whispered, lips trembling.
I looked to Beatrix, now fallen asleep, her chest gently rising up and down. “I have found rest.” Maddie lay her arm over mine, Beatrix sheltered in between us. In minutes Maddie fell asleep. I stayed awake to watch over my girls. I didn’t think I could ever have this. Every day I tried to push my poppa’s voice from my head. I had a family now. One I would never hurt. One, no one would ever take away from me. I would make sure of it.
My family.
My Ash.
My Maddie.
My Beatrix.
My motherfucking world.
The End
Playlist
Send Me On My Way – Colin & Caroline
Best Part of Me (Feat. YEBBA) – Ed Sheeran
Power Over Me – Dermot Kennedy
Glory – Dermot Kennedy
Priest – William Crighton
Bobby Reid – Lucette
Lay ’Em Down – NEEDTOBREATHE
Cursed – Lord Huron
Evil – Nadine Shah
For Island Fires & Family – Dermot Kennedy
Take What You Want (Feat. Ozzie Osbourne) – Post Malone
A Place Only You Can Go – NEEDTOBREATHE
Devil’s Been Talkin’ – NEEDTOBREATHE
Lay Down – Ella Henderson
Flames (with ZAYN) – R3HAB, ZAYN, Jungleboi
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) – Hillsong UNITED
Another in the Fire – Hillsong UNITED
As You Find Me – Hillsong UNITED