My Heart Still Beats Read Online Helen Hardt

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Billionaire, Contemporary, Dark, Suspense Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 101254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
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The church isn’t far from our house, and we get there quickly. It’s an old building made of gray stone. I told Nana once that I thought it looked like a castle, and she said that, in a way, it was.

Mommy takes me to the sacristy where the church ladies are preparing for the Mass. The other children who will get their first communion today are already there. There are four boys and three girls. My dress is the prettiest, I think.

She kisses my cheek. “Be a good girl, Tessa. This is such a happy occasion for all of us.”

Eva tugs on Mommy’s hand. “Why can’t I have first communion today?”

“You’re not old enough yet, bunny,” Mommy says. “Let’s go.” She leads Eva out of the sacristy, looking over her shoulder and smiling at me.

Father Sam isn’t here yet, but the church ladies smile at all of us and then leave the sacristy one by one with the altar scarves. Nana told me once that they’re called liturgical clothes. They’re always different colors.

The other kids and I are alone until an altar boy enters.

I don’t know his name—I think it begins with a D, but I’m not sure—but he’s tall with light brown hair, and his voice makes funny squeaks when he talks. I’m sitting by myself when he comes over to me.

“That’s a pretty white dress,” he says. “Come with me. Father Sam needs to talk to you.”

“He does? Does he need to talk to all of us?” I glance at the others.

“He already talked to them. Come with me.”

I swallow. “Mommy told me to stay here and wait for Father Sam.”

“Father Sam will be here in a minute. He asked me to come and get you.”

“Just me?”

“Just you.”

I shrug. “Okay.”

He takes my hand—his is clammy—and leads me to a small room—it’s one of the Sunday school rooms, but there’s no Sunday school because Mass is about to start.

“That’s a pretty white dress,” he says again.

I swallow. Something doesn’t feel right. “Thank you.”

“What are you wearing underneath it?” he asks.

“Underwear.”

“Can I see your underwear?”

What a weird question. “I’m not supposed to show anyone my underwear.”

“You have to if you want to get your first communion.”

No one said anything about that. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Father Sam would tell you, but he’s not here yet.”

I like Father Sam. He always shakes my hand like I’m one of the grownups.

“Okay.” I lift my dress up, showing him my white panties.

“I have to touch your panties.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s part of what I do as an altar boy. Father Sam tells me I have to check the panties of all the little girls getting their first communion. It’s part of the service.”

My fingers twitch, and my tummy feels funny. I want to pull my dress back down. “No one told me about that part.”

“That’s because it’s a secret. Didn’t your grandmother tell you?”

“Why would she tell me if it’s a secret?”

The altar boy gets a weird look on his face. Like he’s a dog growling or something. “Your grandmother’s a witch, Tessa. You know that, don’t you?”

“She is not.” I stomp my foot and let go of my dress, letting the satin fall back over me.

“She is. All those candles and incense she uses. It’s part of her witchcraft.”

“Witches are mean and wear pointy hats.” I gulp, and I feel like crying. “Nana’s not a witch. You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” He reaches toward me.

I back away.

“I have to check your panties, Tessa. Father Sam won’t give you first communion if I don’t.”

I bite my lip.

“You’re so pretty, Tessa,” he says.

I like being called pretty. Mommy and Da say I’m pretty. Nana says I’m beautiful. But this is the first time someone other than a member of my family has said I’m pretty.

I like it. It makes me feel nice.

“Thank you,” I say.

“Let me check your panties, and then you’ll be ready for first communion.”

I look around. “Where are the other girls? Are you going to check their panties?”

“I already did. You’re the last one.”

Did he? He must have done that before I got to the sacristy.

“Good girl. You stand still.”

I obey him. He’s older than I am, and I do want to have my first communion. So he’ll check my panties, and then I’ll go back to the sacristy and wait for Father Sam.

He comes toward me. “Hold up your dress again.”

I do, covering my face with the skirt and squeezing my eyes shut. This is obviously something I have to do, so why does it feel all kinds of wrong?

He touches his finger to my panties and then slides his hand underneath. “Good. Now, whatever you do, don’t make any noise. This is very important.”

“Why would I make any noise?”

“Because sometimes it hurts when I check panties. But it’s all part of the process of your first communion. This is a secret between you and me and God. He’ll never forgive you if you tell, and you won’t get your first communion.”



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