Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
The more upset I get at myself, the more I hate them. As to that, I haven’t spoken to my mom much either, beyond telling her that I was getting out of the situation.
I’m not quite clear what part she played in this whole farce, but knowing that she had condoned what went down in the beginning and only came to her senses once she realized the truth about Janie bothered me on some level. And though I’m eternally grateful to her for telling me the truth, I can’t help but distrust her for her part in all this.
You see, the way I now see it, Mom was close to Elena when we were dating. I’d go as far as to say she treated her like her own kid, and I know how much Elena loved and respected her. As my mom, she should’ve kicked my ass for doing that to someone she proclaimed to love, but instead, she’d let others talk her into going along with treating her like shit.
It’s probably a messed-up way to think, but right now, I can’t get over the anger long enough to see straight. In my mind, anyone who played any part in hurting her is no longer accepted. Where was my mom when Janie was using my accounts to attack Elena?
How could she believe that I was the one doing it? And even if she believed that why didn’t she call me out on my shit? It’s a vicious cycle because then I have to remember that Janie had cut her off from having any sort of contact with me, but I still can’t bring myself to forgive her just yet. I guess I’ll forgive her at about the same time I learn to forgive myself.
I hadn’t given much thought to Janie, or what was going to happen to her once I learned that there was no legal recourse for me for what she had done, and now she was headed to New York. That city wasn’t big enough for her and Elena to be there at the same time, so instead of lollygagging, I headed upstairs to my lonely bedroom and grabbed a suitcase, and threw some stuff inside before heading to the airstrip with a couple of Lyon’s guys.
I did feel a bit guilty about not following through with my plans to be there when they rescued the kidnapped girls, but as hard as it may sound, she had to come first. I wouldn’t be any use to them if my mind was on her and whether or not she was safe anyway, so this was the best outcome for everyone.
I didn’t call to tell her that I was coming; there was no time, and by the time I was being snuck into her building in disguise, the only thing I cared about was seeing her. It had only been one day since I left her, but it already felt like forever.
Chapter 71
*Janie*
I can’t believe I pulled it off. I kept looking over my shoulder each time I came to a stop light, my heart racing and fear threatening to choke me, but the angst was more than acceptable, given the alternative. I’d felt like a sitting duck back in L.A., waiting for someone to break down the door to that shitty little motel room and shoot me every other second.
Between that fear and the image in that photo playing through my head on a loop, I barely slept a wink. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the two of them together and suffered a pain worse than death.
It was a remembered pain; one I was very familiar with from back in the day when they were a couple, and I had to watch them together on screen. It was debilitating to be thrown back to that time after all the work I had put in to change things.
But this time, it was even worst because I’d tried and failed to gain his love for myself. He’d always have this way of looking at her that anyone with eyes could see the love and admiration he held for her. He never once looked at me like that, and I don’t recall ever smiling the way she used to. I bet she never had to practice her smiles in the mirror before stepping out the door; in fact, I knew that to be true.
The few times I was in her presence before I stole him from her, it was very obvious that she was genuinely in love with him, and he with her. Funnily enough, after we got married, it was those times that hurt me most of all.
Because I now knew that that stuff could be faked for the cameras while behind the scenes, life was a living hell. But I’d seen them without the cameras in their downtime and knew for a fact that what they had was something rare and beautiful.