Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
“Come clean to who matters. But remember, you can’t try to please everyone; you’re going to lose some people, some of your fans. If they’re too dumb to realize that you were a victim as well, you don’t need them.”
I was too transfixed to speak. Where was this guy when I was wandering around L.A. like a lost lamb? His every word resounded with me, and I was left wondering how he knew the things he did. Every word rang true, and he said it so plainly it was hard not to see the big picture he painted.
He wasn’t absolving me of all guilt, but he was laying out the facts as they were, and it felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. If I wasn’t so amazed and hanging onto his every word, I would be brought to tears.
“Thanks for saying that. I think I needed to hear it from someone who wasn’t part of my circle or my life in any way. I think I owe your daughter a great deal, huh.”
“Shh, don’t say shit like that, kid. Don’t ever tell my kid you owe her; that’s a debt you would never stop paying.” I laughed at the look on his face, but he was dead serious. “Oh, you’re not kidding.”
“No, I’m not. Just watch and learn. She’s having fun with this shit; she’d probably thank you for feeding them to her. Her uncles dropped the ball and gave her carte blanche. Now my hands are tied, and I can’t rein her in, so it’s your lucky day.”
“You say that as if you know what she’s going to do next.”
“She’s my kid; of course, I know what she’s going to do.”
“And what’s that?”
“Like I said, watch and learn. You have to beat these people at their own game, and since you’ve got your hands full, I’ll let my kid take care of it for you.”
“But she’s just a little girl. If they’re as horrible as you say, how can you let her get mixed up in this?”
“Pfft, you hear that, boys? He’s worried about Mengele.”
I’d almost forgotten that Tyler, Zak, and the other newcomer Mancini were in the SUV with us. No one had interrupted the whole time we were talking with each other.
“No need to worry about our little princess Ryder; these clowns are child’s play for her. She’s just cutting her teeth, and your ex-wife really pissed her off, so there’s no turning back. Not to mention what the others are up to; it’s going to take some doing to pull her off of them so we can get some.”
Tyler laughed and turned back around. I was a little confused, though. They don’t involve their wives, but the ten-year-old was all in the mix. I didn’t voice my opinion, though, because I was sure they had their reasons which they weren’t about to share with me.
“So, we good? You gonna stop thinking so hard over there so I can get some shut-eye? I’m on no sleep, and your stressing is stressing me out.” How is that even possible? Was I going to ask? Hell no. He went back to leaning his head back against the headrest with his eyes closed while I sat in silence and pondered his words.
He’d hit the nail on the head in more ways than one. It’s true I couldn’t get out from under the cloud I’d painted myself under. No matter how I looked at things, I was the one in the wrong, the one responsible. Having someone else spell it out for me without bias has helped me to see things in a new light.
I’d given up on my innocence, accepting that the things that were happening and had happened to me in the past were my just desserts for the life I’d led. I lost sight of the fact that I wasn’t always this way, that I was once a pretty decent guy. But it’s hard not to blame myself when I was the one who had caused so much harm.
Even the fact that my concerts were being used for such a despicable act, why hadn’t I known? How had I become so selfish that the fans who’d adored and supported me since the beginning had become nothing more to me than dollar signs? How had I deluded myself for so long that I was on the right path? That Matt was helping me find myself?
How had I gone so far off the mark that I lost myself completely and didn’t know it? Was it only the drugs that were responsible for that? Would I have been a better person had I never become addicted? It’s hard to know now since it’s so hard to remember a time when I wasn’t like this.
The sad part is I don’t think I deserve Elena. That’s the hardest pill to swallow but one that I’ve had to take. So how do I reconcile knowing that, feeling that way, with wanting to be with her? How do I get over knowing that she deserves better and still being selfish enough to want her for myself? And how do I get through all this without getting her involved?