Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
The things these people were being accused of by these anonymous leaks make my little breakup pale in comparison. Last but not least is the situation with Rachel. I wasn’t aware that some of what she’d done was illegal in our state or maybe all over the country, but she, too, was looking at some serious jail time. Aside from spying on me for the enemy camp, she’d tampered with my medicine and had placed listening devices in my home without my knowledge, which is illegal in Cali, and both come with hefty sentences.
The more I think about it, the less inclined I am to care any longer. I’m not one to give up on others, especially someone I once saw as a friend, but she’d gone too far, and there was no way, if I’m being honest with myself, that I could ever have her near me again.
When it’s all said and done, she’d knowingly clasped hands with my enemies, fully knowing what their intentions were and not giving a damn, and that’s just something I can’t seem to forgive. She’d seen how torn and broken I was during all that and held my hand throughout it, all while stabbing me in the back.
I still can’t bring myself to do her harm, though, so the only thing I can do is refuse to see her ever again unless it’s in a courtroom, and even that I’m not sure I want to do. She hadn’t been spared in the leaks, and now she was being tried by fire in the public domain.
All of these new revelations have garnered Ryder and me massive public support, which I’m sure was the intent behind it, or some of it anyway. Because of that, the concert was already sold out everywhere, and there were images posted online of lines that went on for miles as people waited to buy their tickets days in advance. I think this whole thing has given me a new perspective on my fans and what they really mean to me.
Before, they were just seen as people who enjoyed my talent, as minuscule as it may be. But now I’ve seen how these complete strangers have gone to bat for me. People I had never met were defending me based on the face and character I’d shown the world, and that was just more incentive to carry on as best I could so as not to disappoint their trust in me.
That’s why when my mind turns to Janie, the Barbie twins and their sisters, and anyone else involved in this mess, I have to remind myself not to become like them. The anger is finally kicking in, I think, as new and more revelations come to light, and I see the full spectrum of what these people had done.
That last message Janie had sent was sort of a tipping point for me. It had opened my eyes to the seedier side of things. I know most people think that all of Hollywood is full of freaks and degenerates, but I’ve fought very hard all these years not to fall into either category.
I know that’s part of the reason it was so easy for Ryder to be taken away from me. He’s always wanted to be a part of the in-crowd, something we had discussed ad nauseum before. But how could I explain to someone who was new and excited that the hype was all a facade?
I’d grown up in the entertainment world with a mother who was ever vigilant and had heard and seen some things that had taken the shine off of the lifestyle for me a long time ago. For me, acting had become a job over time and was no longer the joy I’d imagined it to be as a kid. But I still loved the craft enough to stick with it.
As a newcomer to the game, everything had still been shiny and perfect to him, and I know there were times he resented my holding him back from doing certain things. What I saw as my protecting him, he saw as me stifling him. He probably even thought I might’ve been jealous of his success as well, which was never the case.
I could just never get him to see what I saw and knew firsthand. Now, after he’d been burned himself, I get to enjoy the added benefit of his praise, and thanks for trying to save him back then. In fact, since MengeLiNi, who I’m sure is responsible for all the leaks, started releasing secrets, he’s been nothing but contrite and apologetic.
He’s bemoaned the fact that he should’ve listened to me a thousand times in the last few days, but I just keep telling him that all is forgiven. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, though I went through hell to get here. I also have the added bonus of knowing that Ryder would never hurt me again because I think of the two of us, he was more affected.