Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
We were so young when we fell in love. I think I was a bit starstruck when we first started going together. Who wouldn’t be? I’d watched her grow up on television from a young age, way before I got started on my own career, though we were roughly the same age.
I fell in love with her through a television screen, and by the time we met in person, it was like something out of a dream. She didn’t know it, no one knew, but it had taken me months to stop pinching myself after we started going together.
Of all the things that I’d achieved up to that point, having her as my girlfriend had to be at the top of my list. She outshone everything else in my life; she’d become the center of my everything. So how did we come to this? How had I let my drug-infused anger lead me to fuck my entire life up so royally? And isn’t it some kind of cosmic joke that of all the people around me, she had been the only one trying to get me to clean up my act?
No one else ever even dared. They were too busy kissing my ass for favors, telling me what I wanted to hear while watching me spiral out of control. Now there was no one reining me in. No sweet southern drawl whining at me to do better, to be better, for her and for me. Now I’m a broken ship adrift on the sea with no one there to bail me out.
I knew I was on the fast track to nowhere the day I got married to someone else, someone other than her. I knew even as I said the words through my drug-hazed mind that I would regret it and have every second since, but guilt and pride wouldn’t let me accept it. Now, with one look at her, it was all coming back, and this time I don’t think there was anywhere for me to hide.
Three years it had been three long years since I’d seen her. And just as long since I’ve had her on my mind. In fact, she’d been on my mind pretty much since the first morning after my marriage began, but back then, in the beginning, thoughts of her only conjured more thoughts of anger and betrayal.
Between the feelings of betrayal, the constant drugs, and the warm body next to mine that always seemed to be there, I held onto that anger and rage, anything to ignore the hurt that I was feeling.
It wasn’t long, though, before I was bombarded with memories of happier times. Memories that, no matter how hard I tried, I could not escape them. I’d convinced myself that I hated her, that my life could go on without her. But I had no idea that that’s not the way love works.
I thought I could cut her and the past we shared out of me like a cancer, but it hadn’t taken me long to realize that forgetting her would be the equivalent to and just as easy as stopping myself from breathing; impossible.
Now it had taken just that one look, and I realized that I’d been kidding myself all this time. Nothing had changed. I knew it from the moment I first got the call about the interview. The way I’d responded to the news told me everything I needed to know. No matter how hard I’d tried to convince myself, I was not over her, far from it.
The heart palpitations and the obsessive need for the interview to be aired were dead giveaways to what was really going on with me, and the blinders came tumbling off. I’d made myself believe that I was over her, over the love that we once shared. I’d tried to lose myself in my new wife, tried to tell myself that I was happy, truly happy, but to no avail. How could I be happy when half of my heart, the best part, was missing?
I’m pretty sure everyone noticed, including my wife. And no matter how I tried to put on a brave face and keep a smile whenever the cameras were around, I was finding it harder to do. I was barely hanging on by a thread these past few years, but now after seeing her still looking so broken, it was all just crashing down on me.
Maybe if she hadn’t hidden herself away for so long like a damn Gotye song, if my life hadn’t completely changed with her, not in it, things would be different; I might have been able to go on with my life then. Even with all the backlash from my decision, I could’ve pulled through if only I’d been able to see her face.
I’d been a fuck up long before this, my young age giving me a free pass with my fans and the rest of the world. But those same people weren’t as forgiving of the grown man who’d broken their little angel’s heart. The way that I’d done it hadn’t won me any favors either, that’s for sure.