Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 55765 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 279(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55765 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 279(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
“Hmm,” I mutter, not wanting to let my hopes flare. What’s the point? The chances of her being completely okay with this are, if not zero, at least close buddies with zero.
“I want to kiss you again,” Lukas says as he pulls into the apartment’s parking lot, “but I won’t let myself because it’ll feel like we’re doing it for the last time… and we’re not. This is just the beginning.”
“I wish I had your confidence.” I’ve got my hands over my stomach as if I can somehow soothe the giant knot of nerves there. “She knows we’re coming. Both of us?”
“Yeah, she knows,” he replies, reaching over and taking my hand. “Let’s do this. At least then, we’ll know where we stand.”
Or where we don’t stand. We won’t be standing on the solid foundation of a relationship. My maybe-boyfriend will become a never-boyfriend. Everything we’ve built—this confusing, incredible, sizzling, steamy, emotional bond we’ve created—will shatter.
“Just breathe,” he says, tenderly touching my face. “Breathe, Maci.”
I take his advice since I have forgotten to breathe. As we walk to the elevator, I put some space between us, forcing my breaths to come slowly. I try to think of how difficult this is for Lukas instead. I’ve got the support of Mom, at least. The support he would’ve had from Sebastian is obviously not there anymore. If Kayla turns on him, he’s got nobody.
In the elevator, he lets out a heavy sigh. I touch his hand until he uncurls it, making it no longer a fist.
He smiles tightly at me. “One day, this will all seem so small to us,” he says. “When Kayla has given us her blessing. When we’re married. When we have kids. When—”
The elevator doors open. We quickly separate from each other, though it’s difficult. I want to keep holding him. I want to let him know I’m here for him for a little while longer until Kayla screams at us to end this, and she’ll have every right to.
When we knock on Kayla’s apartment door, I have to imagine my feet glued to the floor. Otherwise, I’ll turn and run away, get back in the elevator, and maybe even flee the country. If I thought something like that at any other time, I’d discard it as extremely over the top, but I can’t help it. That’s how I feel. That’s how significant this is. It’s more important than what happened with Sebastian, even. I don’t care if that’s selfish.
Kayla opens the door, a frown on her lips. Something in her eyes tells me she suspects maybe not all of what we’re going to tell her, but some of it, the general gist. Perhaps it’s just the fact that Lukas and I are here together. Or maybe I can’t stop the heat and the affection from bubbling up in me.
“Come on, then,” she murmurs, entering the apartment.
Lukas glances at me, opens his mouth to say something—maybe a few words of support—but then closes it again. What can he say that’s going to make this okay? What can he say to stop the guilt from chewing us to pieces?
We follow her into the living room. “Finn,” Lukas says when he spots him standing behind the armchair. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”
“We’re still dating,” Kayla says. “Is that a problem? Are you really going to judge me for that?”
CHAPTER 30
FINN
Kayla can’t hide the pain in her voice. Last night, after we made love—I can’t believe I ever devalued that act with her—she started talking about her dad and Maci. She said she noticed looks between them and sensed an atmosphere. I didn’t mean to give anything away, but lying to her makes me feel so wrong, so pathetic. I’ve done enough lying.
Still, I didn’t tell her anything. She sensed something was up from how I tensed beside her in bed. Clutching my face, she leaned back to look at me. Her eyebrows shot up in that cute way. After all the mayhem, being with Kayla was like heaven, but then it was hell because I felt forced to lie to her again.
“What’s up with you? Do you know something? Have you seen something? They said they want to meet with me tomorrow—both of them. That’s suspicious. Don’t hold out on me now, Finn.”
“I can’t say,” I replied.
“But there is something to say?”
I swallowed. “Uh, yeah, but please…”
“Don’t worry.” She hugged me tightly. “I won’t make you say anything else.”
“I’ll make some coffee,” I say now, leaving the room. Part of me wants to get out of here and hang out with Ashley in the penthouse. That’s where my sister and I are staying, a penthouse Lukas Larson has put us up in. It’s everything I dreamed of when I was going through my crazed, wannabe sociopath phase, but it feels so cheap compared to my connection with Kayla.