Total pages in book: 42
Estimated words: 38490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 192(@200wpm)___ 154(@250wpm)___ 128(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 38490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 192(@200wpm)___ 154(@250wpm)___ 128(@300wpm)
I wanted to follow her in death. There’s no way I can go on living in a world where she didn’t exist. I can’t exist with the memory of what they’d done to her always there.
My men kept insisting that I had to move, to get out of the line of fire. I was putting them in danger by leaving them out in the open like this. I knew they wouldn’t leave my side no matter what. I was also sure that the shooter was long gone by now.
Still, I eventually allowed myself to be helped up from the ground. It took all five of them to do it. I noticed then that the other women had already been whisked away and for one selfish moment I asked why it couldn’t have been one of them.
I immediately felt like a monster for the thought. No, if anyone should’ve had their brains splattered all over the parking lot outside Remi’s bar and grill it should’ve been me.
That was my thought as I let myself be placed in the back of somebody’s truck. It should’ve been me. For the rest of my life I’m always gonna know it should’ve been me.
I sat up in bed, heart racing, drenched in sweat with a scream trapped in my lungs. It didn’t take as long as it used to-to realize that it was just a dream, a nightmare.
I threw my legs over the side of the bed and sat with my head in my hands until the nausea in my stomach went away. My head was fuzzy but I knew there would be no more sleep for me tonight.
It had been a while since the dream had chased me from my bed. Not since I took care of the ones responsible in fact. Once I sought vengeance and hunted down the assholes that thought it was a good idea to fuck with me, my dreams had been at peace.
Though there were days when I felt her with me, when her memory haunted my every move, I’d made peace with the fact that she was gone. I’ll never forgive myself for my part in her death though. For being the man she loved.
It was stupid I know, I’ve heard it time and again, from professionals no less. But no matter how much they told me that it wasn’t my fault, that I wasn’t the one wielding the gun. I still know in my heart that had she not married a man who was part of an Elite military force she would still be alive today.
The fact that my division was sold out by someone we trusted was neither here nor there. That beautiful, feisty woman who’d loved me with everything she had, had gone too soon because of me.
So, even though I’d wiped her murderers off the face of the earth, and had walked away from the only other thing I loved, it was still not enough to erase the guilt I still felt.
It had been months since one like this crept in under my guard and it wasn’t any more welcome than the others that came before it. I waited for the last dregs of the horror to release me from its grip before rubbing the lingering sleep from my eyes.
I got up, pulled on some sweats over my naked ass and scratched my chest and stomach as I walked from the bedroom. I didn’t need to see the clock to know that I’d only had a few measly hours of sleep, but I knew from experience that there was no way I was getting any more rest tonight.
It was still dark out when I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, downing it in one go. I gave some thought to going hunting since I was up and grabbed my phone with the thought of calling my brother to see if he was off duty and wanted to come with.
When I remembered that the pain in the ass had mentioned on one of his unnecessary calls that he was on shift, I decided to sit out on my front porch instead. It’s been a while since I watched the sun come up. I’d lost interest in so many things these past few years, life mostly.
I grabbed my gun for some unknown reason, since I wasn’t expecting trouble. But some itch under my skin made me grab it from the nightstand where I keep it. I called for my shiftless dog but he was nowhere to be found. No need to guess where he was; pussy hound.
I put some coffee on and stood there impatiently until I had a full cup. Out on the porch I put my feet up on the rail and took my first sip. Shit, I forgot the sugar.