Total pages in book: 168
Estimated words: 153571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 768(@200wpm)___ 614(@250wpm)___ 512(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 153571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 768(@200wpm)___ 614(@250wpm)___ 512(@300wpm)
"How long?" Tahani lifts her head to look at me and my heart clenches again. Tears shine in her hazel eyes, hurt and anger written all over her face. Even worse is the disappointment. She's always looked at me like I'm a fucking hero. Never once, not even when I've pissed her off, has she looked at me like she's disappointed in me, like I've failed her as a parent.
"Since I got here," I tell her, my voice rough with emotion. I've faced down cartels and members of the fucking Mafia, and never flinched. I've combed through buildings looking for bombs, and been just fine. But facing down my daughter? Knowing that I could lose her or Mila when all is said and done? That's the kind of fear that rips you apart.
"Since you got here." Her expression darkens, her hazel eyes narrowing on me. She pops one hand on her hip, planting her feet apart. "So what? You just decided to start fucking her because you were here and she was available?"
"No," I bark, pissed that she thinks she walked in on some trivial affair. Christ, it was never that. Even when Mila proposed it as two weeks of commitment-free sex, it was never that for me. I know it was never that for her, either. And I don't want Tahani thinking it was.
But the simple truth is…I don't know how to tell her that I've been crazy for her best friend since the day I met her. I've never been that great with words, and I don't know how to explain any of this to my daughter.
"I love you, Hani," I tell her, trying anyway. My throat feels raw and my heart fucking hurts. It doesn't matter though. Mila and Tahani are the only things that matter right now. "And I'm fucking sorry you found out this way. I should have told you sooner, and I'm an asshole for keeping it from you. But that's not even remotely fucking close to what's going on between me and Mila."
The front door closes and I see Mila hesitate at the bottom of the stairs like she isn't sure if she should come back up here or not.
"Then what is going on?" Tahani snaps at me. "You're fucking my best friend! Oh my God." She shakes her head back and forth and then grinds her palms into her eyes like she just caught a mental image. "My father is fucking my best friend."
"Stop saying that," I growl, frustrated even though I shouldn't be. None of this is her fault.
"What do you want me to say?" she yells at me. "I just caught you and Mila naked, Dad! You're obviously fucking her."
"It's not about fucking with her," I snap, running a hand down my face when Mila slips away, disappearing into the living room. "Jesus, Han. I may be an asshole, but I'm not that fucked up, kid. I'm in love with her."
"You…I…" Tahani stutters and stumbles, the shock plain on her face. Tears well in her eyes. "You're in love with her?"
"Yeah, kiddo."
Her bottom lip quivers as she stares at me, and I know she sees the truth in my eyes.
"I've been half in love with her for a long time," I confess, clenching my hands into fists when two tears roll down her cheeks. I want to comfort her like I have every other time she's come to me crying, but I'm the reason for her tears this time. And I'm not so sure she'd let me hug her right now. "I know it's fucked up. I'm an asshole for even thinking of her like that. I'm old enough to be her father. She's your best friend. I know it's fucked up. I tried to fight it. For four fucking years, I tried to avoid her, to pretend this shit wasn't happening, but it happened anyway. And I'm tired of pretending that she means nothing to me. Right or wrong, she's mine, Tahani. I'm fucking crazy about her."
Tahani just watches me as I talk, tears streaming down her face. I've never dated much. Certainly never brought them around Tahani. She knows me saying that I'm in love with Mila means something. Fuck, it means everything. I think she knows that, too.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks.
"What was I supposed to say? That I've been falling for her every fucking time I've seen her. I know how that sounds. I'm old enough to be her father, Tahani. I didn't want to hurt you and didn't know she felt the same way." I shake my head, not sure there are words to make this easier for her or to make her feel better about it. Maybe I should have stayed away from Mila, fought harder, refused to go there with her. Maybe that was the right thing to do. But I didn't do that. Nothing I say will change that fact now.